Remembering Axel
by Sephirothlover845
Summary: Do you think you can still love me? Now that I hide myself behind dark hair, and black kohl rimmed red eyes.I don’t think so. I mean wasn’t it you that always said you loved me because of my innocence. I’m not innocent anymore Axel. AKUROKU YAOI
1. Chapter 1

**A.N. Ok this story just sort of popped up in my head. ****:)**** So tell me what you think I'm not sure if I'll continue but if you guys like it I will. Now beta'ed.**

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

I sat at my computer staring at the screen. The slowly changing screen saver reminded me of him… of us. Of the times where it was just us… of the times where there was no war and there was no fighting and there was just… us.

The screensaver flickered through memories; photos of the past.

Photos of us hugging, kissing, on my couch, at a park, at a restaurant.

So many memories…

And I guess I should be thankful for the time I got with you, for the… memories we shared. But then again so many of them were full of jealousy and heartbreak; makes me wonder why I miss you.

Your beauty?

You certainly were beautiful. Everyone wanted you; you were famous in your own way. I remember it used to hurt looking at you, knowing that one day you would leave me. You use to tell me you wouldn't, but you did.

And now I hate thinking about it. But I can't help it.

Maybe it was my fault.

I wasn't good enough, wasn't experienced enough. You were. Before me I remember hearing all those rumors about you; that you were a womanizer, slept with anything that walked on two legs.

I was so young when we started dating, so foolish. I had just turned 15, and really, what does a 15-year-old know about relationships?

Nothing.

But you did. You were a senior, and to me because of that you were a god. Something new and exciting. I was just a freshman; I was still getting used to high school. I didn't understand how things ran yet.

I didn't understand that in order to survive you have to be somebody.

When we started dating at first, I remember how much everyone hated me. Just because I was yours. Everyone told me it wasn't going to last; I was just another accomplishment for the great Axel Asher. But after 4 months passed, that hate slowly turned into admiration. They said I had tamed you. And so they all tried getting close to me, to get close to you. To break us up.

That's all they wanted.

But now when I think back on it, the reason we lasted so long is because I wasn't with Axel; the sexiest, most popular womanizer. I was with Axel Asher; the sweetest, most devoted boyfriend anyone could wish for. And yes we had our bad times, our fights. But with me you weren't that guy that everyone thought you were. You were someone else, someone I loved… love.

No one ever got that. They all thought I let you run around and cheat. Because of the way you would always flirt with people in front of me, or the way you would always touch them inappropriately. And god, how that pissed me off. It never left me short of seething mad.

You knew that.

You liked it, said it kept things interesting.

You never pushed me though, you were patient with me. Even when I kicked you out after we had sex the first time. Remember? How I didn't answer your calls for a week, how I skipped school. I was so terrified.

Because you had forgotten a condom; because we were stupid and in the heat of the moment. I had never been so scared before. Because I knew you had slept around so much, and 'cause I knew there was a chance that I could have caught something from you.

And I think you knew why I was scared. You had to have known. Because why else did you show up to my house with an STD exam. You took it for me, and I think I fell in love with you that day.

Now that I think back on it, you always told me you loved me. I don't think there was a day when you didn't say it to me. And I remember how I always use to think why. Why does he love me? Why me when he could have anyone?

I rarely said the words I love you. So why?

I was nothing special; far from it. I was blonde, short, with blue eyes. I'm not anymore, Axel. I wonder, if you could see me now, would you still love me?

Would you love me now that I grew my hair out, it's past my shoulders. And its midnight black. And my eyes Axel; I wear contacts now. I hide the blue, behind a dark blood-red curtain. So no one can see the real me.

Do you think you can still love me? Now that I hide myself behind dark hair and black kohl-rimmed red eyes?

I don't think so. I mean wasn't it you that always said you loved me because of my innocence? I'm not innocent anymore, Axel.

Maybe you'd like that I grew a little bit. Remember how you always towered over me? I'm 5'7 now, Axel. You're still taller than me, but now you won't have to bend down so far.

Do you even care about that, Axel? Probably not .

You were like a sin Axel, so wrong but yet so right. Your body says yes but your heart screams no.

Addictive, like a drug.

Except when you don't have that drug anymore, you're left with nothing. Left with…

Loneliness.

When Axel left it hurt, but when Axel Asher left it killed me. I screamed at you so much that day, do you remember? How I screamed and yelled. And how you didn't even care. How you regarded me with disregard. How you told me to stop being a baby. How you made me feel like I was nothing more than one of your one night stands.

I'd never felt such a deep hate than I did for you at that moment. After 2 years you were leaving, and who did I have to pick up the pieces. All those friends of mine who were most likely going to say 'I told you so'.

And they did, Axel.

And you know, sometimes I wish I wouldn't have shut the door in your face, and I sometimes wish I would have said a proper goodbye… but I can't change the past.

Can't change the fact that I met you. Can't change the fact I cried for months after you left.

I can't…


	2. Chapter 2

**A.N. I decided to continue it… for now. I didn't get many reviews, which was a bit disappointing but… I decided to post this chapter since I already had it written. And to clear this little thing up, Roxas will not have the whole black hair, contacts thing for long. I just need it for now. ****:)**** Ok that's about it. Um thanks to those who reviewed and enjoy please.**

**Now beta'ed.**

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

I let my pen drop mid-sentence.

You could hear the emptiness as it dropped, and the endless echo as it hit the wooden floor.

This wasn't healthy, writing about my past, even thinking about it. Axel or Axel Asher, whatever; he was gone, had been gone for a while now.

I had it memorized.

2 and a half years already, and the pain had subsided; I didn't feel as though I was going to break down anymore. I felt ok.

Not 100 percent. Never 100 percent. He had taken too much out of my life; he was in a way unforgettable. But I was moving on finally, but I sometimes have to ask myself if I really am moving on.

Is it normal to write about an ex-lover every night? When you claim to be getting over them?

I thought not. But at least maybe someday these writings will make me famous. Someday when I'm dead and he's dead, and I know that no one I know will know our story because it hurts, and because Axel would want it that way.

I opened the drawer to my old beat up desk and put away my journal. And once again I felt tears burn at the back of my eyelids, like they always did every night since he left. But I always told myself I wasn't crying for him.

Because I was over him, because his last words no longer hurt, and just because I knew my tears were shed for a purpose it wasn't because I missed him… even though I did. It wasn't because of all we had been through... because I had forgotten. It was because I couldn't miss him I cried, it was because I had forgotten I cried.

I don't think I cried for him anymore… I think I cried because I had slowly begun to forget him. But not in the way I wanted.

I hadn't forgotten his face, his arms, his body. I had forgotten Axel Asher. Forgotten all the good times, and now I seemed bitter to myself. Because even though Axel Asher was forgotten, Axel was not. I remember the Axel that everyone was obsessed with, the one that slept around, and the one that flirted with anything with legs in front of me. I remember the pain and the heartbreak. But no matter how much I push myself I can't remember the good times. Though I know they existed… how I know, I'm not sure; I just know.

I remember how he never liked to say what was on his mind. Even to me, he was a mystery. A puzzle yearning to be solved. Sometimes I felt as if he was begging me to solve him; I couldn't.

I carefully got up from my desk and walked towards my bed, making sure to not make too much noise. Living on the second floor had its benefits, but it also had its downs. My parents' room was right under mine, and the last thing I wanted to do was wake them up.

It wasn't that they were bad parents, they were just there. Like the blue in the sky, it was there, but it had no purpose.

I lay down on my covers, not bothering to get under them. It was hot in Twilight town at this time of year, so I barely ever slept with the covers on.

I sort of hated this bed, because it had memories. Memories I couldn't remember, but I'm willing to bet they were all good. I'm not sure how, I just know.

Axel Asher; I can't count on 5 fingers all the things I remember about him. He had crazy red hair; yes I remember that, as well as his dark emerald green eyes. I remember his surf-boy beauty of course. I have more than enough photos lying around of him. I remember he loved pancakes, can't forget that; made them more when I was with him than I did in a lifetime.

I remember the simple things, and I guess I should be thankful I've forgotten him. But then if he was so horrible and if I have forgotten…

Why does it still hurt?

Is it because I still remember our last night together as if it was yesterday?

I had snuck out of this very room to see him, around 2 in the morning. And just because Axel said I need to see you, and just because I think I loved him.

***flashback***

_I sat in between Axel's legs, my head resting on his chest. As his arms encircled me, I let my eyes close. Knowing the danger of doing so out in the woods but not particularly caring. Because Axel was here and he would protect me. I had nothing to fear. _

_It did not matter that we were out in the woods past the middle of the night. Because even though it was pitch-black outside, the half-full moon shone bright for us, and the dark green trees danced to keep us cool._

_And strangely even the hooting of owls and rustling of the bushes was comforting to me. _

_And I might sound like a love-sick fool, but it seemed like such a romantic night. And lately Axel had been acting so strange, to finally get some alone time with him was wonderful. Even if it was in the middle of the woods. _

_And it was always a plus that it was the middle of fall, and even though in the daytime in Florida it was still fairly hot, the nights were much cooler. And I of course forgot my sweater; now whether that was on purpose or not I would never tell, it was just a big plus to have my boyfriend warming me up. _

_I felt a cold breeze swoop by us, and I wrapped Axel's hands tighter against me. Laying my head back against his shoulder, and kissing his cheek briefly, we weren't in to this kind of thing. _

_The whole cuddling, lovey-dovey thing._

_Sure I think we loved each other, but we never did much of this._

_As expected he looked down at me, surprised. "I'm not complaining, but what was that for?" Axel asked softly. His voice was not higher than a whisper, and for the first time tonight I noticed how tired he actually looked. He had dark circles under his eyes, and his eyelids were swollen. _

_It was past 2 in the morning, of course he has to be tired. But still my conscience wouldn't let me be. _

_I hated the way he was just staring up at the sky with an empty look on his face, this wasn't my Axel. The Axel I knew was so lively, he could party 'til dawn and not be tired._

_I shrugged my shoulders. "I don't know." I paused, "Felt like kissing you." We had been together for so long that I knew I didn't have to be shy around him. I could say what was on my mind. _

_That caused Axel to bring his distracted gaze down to me. And I looked into his shining green eyes, barely visible in the pitch-black darkness. But I could see the guilt shining in them and my heart stopped. Because Axel never looked like this; sometimes it felt like he didn't have a heart._

"_Baby," he whispered, and I looked up at him, "Let's do it right here." I knew what he was talking about, but I shook my head._

"_Ax, we're in the middle of the forest." Then I added, "You probably don't even have a condom."_

_Axel answered by traveling his hands upwards under my white shirt, and stroking my flat stomach. "Stop."_

_Axel sighed and removed his hand, flipping me over so I was facing him. "You should gain some weight," he commented, and I rolled my eyes; I was used to his 1 track mind._

"_Mmm hmm."_

"_I'm serious," he defended. "A lot of guys are into a fat chick."_

_I glared. "One problem dude, I'm not a chick."_

I sigh. I could never remember the rest of that night; it was all a blur. And the memory seems so insignificant, but I have to replay every night, because I knew in there is a clue as to why my memories are fading. It's the only memory I have of the Axel I loved. So I hold onto it tight.

Who knows what hidden message his words could have had.

I would never know. But I was willing to find out.

I sighed, taking a look around my room. It was nothing special. It was all white, why? I don't know, for some reason I liked it. Helped the empty void that was inside me.

There were a lot of paintings everywhere, Namine's paintings.

Namine.

You could call her my best friend; she certainly was there for me enough.

Beautiful too, in the innocent childish way. Pale as snow with bleach blond hair, and shining blue eyes.

I'm not sure how but she seems to know everything. Knows so much about life outside of this suffocating small town.

_The longer you stay here, the harder it is to leave._ That's what dad always said. I wonder if that's why we're still here.

I'm not sure if I believe it though… I mean it wasn't hard for Axel to leave. He even dragged his best friend along.

Demyx, Axel's right hand man, and my personal target practice. I hated the guy. I think... I used to think they left together. Those thoughts are long gone, because I know how in love he is, or was, with Namine.

They were the couple everyone thought would last forever. I thought so too.

They broke up though; Demyx fell in love with someone else. Some Zexion guy, I see him around once in a while. But Namine didn't hold a grudge; they broke up on good terms. Not like Damon and I.

I thought of dating her a couple times, even went as far as kissing her once or twice. But there were no sparks; she was no Axel.

Not that I had actually turned into a nun since Axel left or anything; far from it.

It was something I wasn't proud to admit, but I had my fair share of one night stands. Probably more than my fair share; I hated the feeling though, the feeling that I had become just like Axel, if not worse, and people knew it too. They saw it, they gossiped about it.

It was like my sex life was front page news every day, because somehow people always found out about it.

Namine always was there for me though, saying that I wasn't a whore. I knew I was though, and I would tell her.

But she never lost, because she was Namine, and god be dammed she would convince you.

She would say, "You're not a whore, unless you let your shit be known."

But she didn't get it; I did let my shit be known. Maybe not on purpose, but somehow everyone still knew...

Was it because I lived in a neighborhood where half my school lived? And maybe, just maybe, the walls were a bit thin? Or was it because these people actually dedicated their time to finding out these things?

Who knew?

It had to be something, because my twin brother's business was never known. He was in a way almost as known as I was, but his sex life was never in the front page.

Was it because his boyfriend would chop of the nuts of the first person who talked about him? Well I guess it could be a possibility.

My little brother, pain in the fucking ass; when I said the walls in this neighborhood are too thin I was not joking. He and his boyfriend Riku are always at it, nonstop. His room is right next to mine…

Let's just say not cute.

Riku is ok, when he's not around my brother. I can tolerate him, but just barely.

I sighed, deciding that rambling wasn't going to help. I reached out to turn off the lamp, and flicked it off.

I hated the nights, because somehow they were always the hardest. Because you have nothing to distract you and all you can do is think. It's been 2 years and my heart is slowly erasing him, but with every memory erased of Axel Asher I start to feel empty, void, and with every memory erased I feel less like myself and more like Axel.

I'm not going to think of this anymore. Because it causes problems, and because I know as soon as I close my eyes, he will haunt my dreams. But as soon as I wake I will no longer remember. Because that's how it's been since he left.

No matter how hard I try I can't change it. I wish I could, but I can't.

I just… can't.


	3. Chapter 3

**A.N: I'm terribly sorry for the long wait, next chapter should be up much faster. This chapter just would not come together how I wanted it to. It was so good in my head but once i wrote it down I just couldn't find the right words. It's still not how i want it but i'm hoping the next chapter will come out much better. And also theres some RikuxSora in this chapter i love that pairing and im hoping you guys dont mind. If you do let me know. **

**thanks to lanie12777 my awsome beta.**

* * *

"_I hate parties."_

_Axel turned towards him. "Then don't go." _

_I raised an eyebrow, and gave him a 'yeah right' look. There was no way I was letting Axel go to a party alone. That was just asking for trouble. "And leave you to care for yourself?" I questioned. "Yeah right."_

_Axel shook his head, and turned towards the mirror again. I watched as his fingers smoothed down the wrinkles of the white shirt. "I can take care of myself," he said. _

_That's a lie. Alcohol plus Axel does not go together._

"_Mmm." The arguments over, I won, I'm going. I don't want to, but if I don't… I'll be lucky if I have a boyfriend the next day. _

_He turns towards me and smiles. You know? The smile, the one that always gets me and makes me melt. I stiffen, trying my best not to be affected by it. I fail._

"_Come here puppy." Puppy; he calls me that a lot. Says I pout like one… I don't, he's just delusional. Plus I'm not a puppy, I am a fierce Piranha. _

"_Not a puppy," I pout; he laughs. _

_I hesitantly walk over to him, and as soon as I'm in arm's reach he pulls me into his arms, kissing me gently on the lips. "I love you Rox." He says it a lot, but god, did I mention I hate the L word? It's such a strong word. _

"_Mmm," I go in for another kiss, distracting him. I don't want to answer, I just hate lying. _

---

"Ughh.. nggg. RIKU!"

The first thoughts that registered through my sleep-dazed mind were 'What the fuck? Was that moaning? Or was that someone murdering my brother?'

Oh, for his sake someone better be beating him with a ten ton metal pole. I snarled "Hell no, they better not be doing this shit, this fucking early." There was only one thing I hated more than Fluffy (our cat), and that was anyone or anything waking me up.

Let's just say I was far from pleasant when I woke up. Very far.

I slowly rose from my bed, the sheets falling off the bed as I got up. The loud thumping and moaning was still going on in the background, and my anger pushed me forward.

Oh, I was going to hurt that brother of mine. Hurt him bad.

"Ahh," came the loud moans from the room right next to mine. The sound of him giggling made me want to commit the very illegal crime of murder.

I clumsily put on a random shirt that was on my bed, and slipped it over my head, shivering when the cool material touched my heated skin.

I hated Sundays. Why you ask?

Riku always spent the night the day before, which meant only one thing: early morning sex. Which pissed me off, why? Because I love my fucking sleep.

I dragged my half-asleep body over to my brother's room, a smirk forming on my face at the thought of disturbing their love making, like they had so rudely disturbed my sleep.

"Riku, Harder!" Oh lord, you have no idea how disturbing that is; makes me want to throw up.

Throw up on them.

I glared at the door and cracked my knuckles, preparing them for the door beating of a lifetime. I slowly brought my fist forward, playing myself some awesome action movie song in my head, and as my fist connected with the hard wood door I winced, the loud pounding sound hurting my still-asleep ears.

"Do you two selfish bastards have any idea what time it is?" I could hear Sora giggling. "Too fucking early, that's what time it is! So I suggest you keep it down or I swear Riku will never be able to use his cock again."

I paused as I heard Riku's 'I told you so', and Sora's exasperated sigh.

"Sorry Rox," my brother shouted back.

"Shh. Sora didn't you hear him, he'll chop off my precious if you don't be quiet." He paused, laughing. "And we all know you can't top to save your ass."

Gross, I really didn't want to find out about my brother's sex life. It will never be late enough for that.

"Whatever, just keep it down." I sighed; I was up now, there was no way I could fall back asleep.

I walked down the white carpeted stairs, squinting my eyes as the brightness from the window blinded me. I hated mornings.

I didn't give a shit if it was my birthday or Christmas or anything, I still and always would hate mornings; they were a bitch. The only thing that could keep me from committing murder was a nice hot cup of coffee. So please thank the person who invented it; fucking genius, I swear.

I numbly prepared my coffee, pouring the water in the machine and setting it on brew, all the while mumbling about my stupid brother and his horny boyfriend.

Seriously, who had sex this early anyway? Well I was pretty sure I had with Axel a couple times, but that wasn't the point.

I glanced over at the coffee machine, the big red numbers flashing 9:12 at me. And I groaned; it _was_ way too early.

The sun was shining outside, like always, and the clouds were slowly drifting by. All in all it was a typical day in Twilight Town. The town where the weather never changed, and well, nothing ever changed.

No new buildings, no new cars, no new weather. Nothing.

Twilight town had been the same for as long as I could remember, and I had a feeling it would stay that way for a long while.

_Running through the monsoon__  
__Beyond the world 'til the end of time__  
__Where the rain won't hurt__  
__Fighting the storm into the blue_

I flinched as I heard my phone ring in my pocket. That song, something about that song always got me for some reason. Axel always used to sing it; well at least that's what Namine says. Maybe that's why it's my ringtone.

I shake away my thoughts and reach into my pocket, fishing out my phone and flipping it open.

"Hello," I answer. I didn't know anyone who would call me at 9 in the morning but whatever. I was up anyway.

"Roxas," Namine said, cheerfully surprised. "Wow you're up, and here I thought I was going to get the scolding of a life time for waking you." Of course it was Namine; she was the only one with the guts to call me this early.

"Yeah," I nod, forgetting she can't see me. "Riku spent the night last night," I say, knowing she will know exactly what I mean.

"Oh," she winces, "Ha-ha, so I'm guessing you had a lovely awakening this morning."

"The best."

I hear her laugh. "Oh don't be such a sourpuss Rox," she scolds.

"Yeah, yeah," I'm not a sourpuss. "So what's up, what's the early morning call about?" I ask. I really don't want to talk about my brother and his boyfriend. Makes me want to hurl.

"Oh I don't know, I just, um, wanted to talk." She's lying, how can I tell? Easy, she sucks at it.

I sigh. "Come on Namine, we've known each other forever you can't lie to me," I pause, giving her a second. "So truthfully, what's up?"

"Roxas," she sighs, and I groan. Oh great, she's using that tone of voice on me, "I really hate to ask you this, but you worry me." God just spit it out already; I know what you're going to ask. "Have you been, um, eating?" I roll my eyes; of course that's what she asks.

She thinks I have anorexia, not that I blame her. I did have an eating disorder for a while, but Axel helped me through it. I think everyone thought that when Axel left I would throw myself back into that world. But they are wrong, because I would never put myself through that shit again. Getting back from being anorexic had been the toughest thing I ever had to do. There was no way in hell I was going through that again.

Plus I had a new way of getting rid of my depression, I wasn't proud of it but it worked. And it wasn't like I was hurting anyone.

I looked down at my wrist and shivered, quickly looking back up. "Yes mother, I have been eating," I said sarcastically. Sometimes she was just like a mother, more of a mother than my own mom was anyway.

"I'm sorry Roxas; I just get worried is all," she says. And suddenly I feel guilty.

"It's okay Nam," I reply; god she was just too sweet sometimes.

"Roxas…" She trails off, and I raise an eyebrow. What the hell? "There's something else."

"What is it Namine?" Great, what now?

"Roxas," sighs, "I really hate to be the one to have to tell you this, because you're finally getting better, I mean at least I think you are…" She's babbling, I hate when she does this. She gets nervous then takes forever to get to the point. "I uh, shit, okay, I'm just going to spit it out." About damn time too.

"Demyx is back." I freeze, my whole body turning ice cold.

"What?" I manage, my heart just stopped, I swear it did.

"He, um, called me last night, I was going to call you but I didn't know how to tell you. "She paused, taking in a shaky breath. "Roxas, I think _he's _back too." He's back? No, just no.

"What?" I say again, I know I sound like a tape recorder right now, but the word 'what' seems to be the only word I can manage at the moment.

"Roxas I'm so sorry, but we'll get through this; I promise we will. Axel can't hur.." The phone slipped through my fingers as his name left her mouth. That name; I haven't heard it aloud in so long, and god I didn't think it could hurt so much.

I distinctly hear Namine screaming my name through the phone, but I didn't care; the phone still lay there, forgotten on the carpet. I couldn't bother with it at the moment, it was insignificant.

I hear her screaming still, "Roxas! Please, we don't know that he's back too, it could be just Demyx. Roxas? Roxas!" Yes that's right, maybe he's not back yet, maybe it's just Demyx. Maybe he's just here to visit that Zexion kid, they were together after all.

That has to be it, it just has to be. If Axel is back… No, I don't even want to think about it, I just… I can't even imagine.

What would I do? What would I say?

I can't even remember the good times we had; what if he was back for me? Not that I would put myself through that but if he did, god, I wouldn't even known about our past. Wouldn't remember the times we shared heartbreaking conversations, wouldn't even remember our laughs.

He would think I purposely forgot him, not that I cared. But… maybe deep down I sort of did, but either way I couldn't have him find out about my new reputation, it would embarrass me to no end. For him to see me like this… no!

Why did it seem like everyone was after me lately?

I grabbed my head, and tried without avail to keep the impending migraine from coming. I couldn't stay here any longer; I just couldn't. I knew I was being immature but I didn't care. I quickly ran upstairs, throwing on a black hooded jacket, and a pair of vans. There was no way I was staying. I quickly ran down the stairs, almost running over Riku as he climbed up. I grabbed my phone and ran out the door.

Thoughts were blowing all around my head as I gripped my hair.

I can't do this… I just can't

"Roxas seems upset," Riku commented as he entered the room.

I looked up from my spot on the bed and raised an eyebrow at him. "Yeah, but Roxas always looks upset." It's true; he's like emo without the cutting.

I sort of understand why though, Axel screwed him up. Well he screwed Axel up too, but in the end they just ended up hurting each other.

"He seemed more upset than usual," Riku verified, flopping down on the bed next to me.

I ignored him, it's not like didn't care for Roxas, but I didn't care very much for Roxas' drama. He was my brother and I loved him, but the choices he made were not my own, and not choices I agreed with. So whenever Roxas had one of his moments I tended to stay away. 'Cause I knew we would only end up arguing. He never listened to me, so why waste my breath.

Riku petted my hair, his warm hands running through my chocolate locks. "Sora," he sighed, "maybe you should talk to him, I know how much you hate to but he is your brother after all." He just never gave up.

"Riku let's not talk about Roxas," I said, and then added as an afterthought. "Please."

Riku just nodded, and continued to pet my hair. I loved that; when people played with my hair it always made me so sleepy and content. I could just lay there and let him do it for hours. I was so content; I loved Riku, I really did. We have been together for so long, and I knew that I loved him. And I was so terrified to admit that I was scared that what happened to Roxas would happen to me. That Riku would leave me, like Axel left Roxas.

I was horrified.

But I think deep down I knew that couldn't happen, because our relationship was so different from theirs. Because Riku and I actually loved each other, and we showed it. Riku wasn't afraid of kissing in public. Or holding hands, or even straight up telling me he loved me in public.

Axel though, he had been. I remember Axel never kissed Roxas in public, no holding hands, not much of anything. Axel would grip Roxas' waist once in a while, or have his hands on Roxas' ass. But he always made those things seem so possessive, like Roxas was a one-night stand instead of his long-term boyfriend.

The relationships were different, but then again at the same time the same.

Riku was so similar to Axel in so many ways. They were both known as flirtatious womanizers, and known to have had plenty of experience in the sex department. They were both popular and well known, and the most important thing both hated was to be tied down.

The first thing Riku had told me once we started dating was that. That he hated to be tied down. Hated to feel trapped, and hated an over-jealous boyfriend.

And I hated to admit it, but I was jealous… very jealous, if I was to be truthful. But I always held myself back, always gave Riku room and tried to be cool and collective. Because I didn't want to end up like Roxas; that was the last thing I wanted.

Riku never flirted in front of me; he was considerate of that. He knew it hurt me, but it didn't stop him from flirting when I wasn't looking. Riku had a reputation as a player; he was anything but faithful in his past relationships. And I guess the only thing that kept me from breaking down was that even though he flirted his ass off, he never physically cheated.

He looked but never touched, as far as I knew anyway.

Not Axel though, it was well known that Axel had cheated on Roxas multiple times. I think Roxas knew too, but for some reason he stuck around. I'm not sure if I would have, but if one thing was for sure it was that Axel loved Roxas. Loved my brother more than anything in the world, even if he cheated, and lied, and did god knows what else. Axel was in love with Roxas.

It was Roxas who had always been unsure. But I think he learned after he lost Axel that he really did love him back. And if you were to ask my opinion I think if Roxas would have found that out before then Axel would have never left him, hell I think Axel would have never looked at another human being again. I think Axel would have finally given himself completely to Roxas. But then again what do I know?

I was snapped out of my thoughts as Riku's phone vibrated on my night stand, sending a loud thumping sound throughout the room. I pouted as his hands left my hair to grab his phone.

He smiled at me and answered his phone with a hello.

"Oh hey cutie," I raised an eyebrow at him, who the fuck was he calling cutie?

Riku laughed, "Yeah, yeah I'm at a friend's house right now, but um..." He paused, looking at his watch. "I'll go over there right now."

Again, what the fuck?

"Nah, don't worry I can always make time for you, sweetie." WHAT? "Yeah, yeah see you soon." And with that he hung up.

I was so pissed off, why you ask? Simple, A: he just called me a friend, B: he's about to ditch me when we're supposed to spend the day together, and C: he just called some whore cutie and sweetie. So yeah, I'm pretty pissed off.

"Who was that, Riku?" I ask as he starts standing up.

He looks down at me and grins. "Not jealous, are you?" he teases, and I shoot him a glare. He better give me some damn answers. "Okay, relax, that was my baby cousin; she came to visit with her parents, so I have to head home," he says easily, already moving around my room, searching for his bag.

"Oh," I'm not sure if I believe him, but Riku never lies to me. And he definitely does not cheat; flirts yeah, but never cheats.

"Yeah, don't look so down baby, you get me all day tomorrow." No I don't I have school tomorrow, and since he graduated 2 years ago he has a whole day of doing whatever the hell he wants.

"I have school," I say simply.

"Oh shit, forgot about that," he mumbles, and then shakes his head, sitting down on the bed with me. I want to push him off really bad right now. I don't.

"I'm sure," I reply stiffly. I'm so mad right now.

"Don't be like that Sora," he says, "Come on baby; let's not start the day fighting." He kisses me briefly on the mouth, and I want to kiss back but I don't.

"You should go, don't want to keep your cousin waiting." I know I sound childish but I don't give a fuck; I'm pissed and I'm letting the whole world know.

Riku sighs and climbs on top of me, his basketball shorts not doing much to shield his soft member. "Would you like it if I made love to you before I go?" he whispers sweetly in my ear, and I shiver, goosebumps crawling all over my skin.

I don't answer, I want to… but that would defeat the point of being pissed off at him.

"Come on, I probably won't be able to see you 'til tomorrow night." I still don't answer; he keeps going, now trailing open-mouthed kisses all over my face and chest. "Sora, you're so fucking beautiful," he breathes out as he captures my lips, and I moan, blushing furiously now.

This is something you probably don't know but I'm shy, so fucking shy while I'm being intimate with Riku. Always have been; I'm not sure why but I always have this furious blush on my face when we do something. He says it turns him on, I think it's embarrassing.

He pulls back, lips slightly swollen as he smiles down at me. "So shy," Riku whispers, mesmerized. "Where did Mister Confidence go?" he teases, and I punch him on the arm playfully, anger momentarily forgotten.

"Riku," I whine teasingly, "you know I'm shy." I pout.

"We have gone all the way so many times, you would think that I would have lost interest by now." He pauses. "But I haven't, it's fucking amazing, and seeing you blush like a little virgin makes it even better." I'm blushing ten times harder now, and I bury my face in his neck trying to make myself invisible.

"Riku!" I scold; he makes me explode from embarrassment sometimes.

"Sorry babe," he laughs, "can't resist teasing you, it's just too much fun." I'm pouting again.

"So what are your plans for today Sora?"

I'm not really sure anymore, I was just going to spend it with him, but seeing as he had other plans I was going to have to find something to do. I grin, and decide that that something should be something fun and something that would make Riku regret ever ditching me.

"Oh I don't know," I say sarcastically, "I'll probably invite Kairi over or something." There is only one thing Riku abhors more than strawberries, and that's Kairi. Hell I think he hates strawberries because of Kairi. Why? Oh just because she has a huge crush on me, and she happens to be my ex-girlfriend. But that doesn't bother me; she's still very nice and a good friend. And she's also a great way of getting Riku pissed off.

"Oh," he answers simply. He's mad, I'm happy now though.

I could care less that it seems immature; Kairi pisses Riku off, and Riku pissed me off so it works for me. Plus Kairi would never do anything I didn't want to do, sure she tried to kiss me every once in a while, and she was always trying to break us up but… that didn't mean she was _always _bad company.

I wasn't even going to invite her over really; it was just to piss Riku off. As much as she was good company I really didn't feel like telling her for the millionth time not to kiss me. Not that I minded every time she did, it was always a pop kiss, and that didn't really mean anything anyway.

"Yeah," I answered simply. Riku shook his head and looked away, glaring at the wall.

"Why her, Sora?" he asks me, and I grin mentally. Mission accomplished.

"She's my friend Riku," I reply, stressing the word _friend_.

"A friend that tries to suck your lips off every time she sees you!" Riku fumed; I could tell he was pissed the fuck off, and I was basking in it. I loved it when he got jealous and possessive; it was just so… sexy sometimes. Plus he was going to a family shit so it wasn't like he was going to think of me anyway. God knew his family was a pain in the ass.

Not only that, but extremely fucked up, his father being the main fuck-up. And his mother being the dumbest, most oblivious person I had ever met. She seemed to be completely oblivious to the fact that her husband cheated on her to no end, and cheated in front of her too. But still she didn't seem to notice, not even when Riku's dad Xemnas would grab his boyfriend's ass, or kiss him right in front of her.

Either she was really dumb, or she just acted like she couldn't see it. I truthfully couldn't tell, not that it was my business.

Riku though, he seemed to have messed up thoughts about it too, in his opinion anyway. Riku hated his mother, that was a fact. My boyfriend never said why, and I didn't press the subject. But for some reason Riku loved Saix, his father's boyfriend. To me, the man was to put it simple, fucking crazy. He was bi-polar, fierce, and just an overall crazy person.

Saix could be super happy one second, and the next be scratching your face off with his razor sharp nails.

So now you see why I'm so pissed off that Riku would ditch me for his crazy ass family. His cousin was probably some sugar-high psychotic moron, if she was anything like Riku's mom.

"Sora!" Riku snapped, and I blinked as I was forced out of my thoughts.

"Sorry, "I say sheepishly.

Riku scoffed and got up from the bed, grabbing his black Nike backpack and throwing it over his shoulder. "Whatever Sora," he said, and I felt guilt pulling at my heart. I ignored it. "I'm leaving, I'll text you later or something."

I stayed quiet as he put his socks and sneakers on. I felt a little guilty for thinking bad of his family, mine wasn't exactly normal either. And god I felt horrible for making him mad with Kairi, I knew he hated her.

I wanted to apologize but… I couldn't. I sucked at it, one of the few things I had in common with Roxas.

As he grabbed the door handle, he took a deep breath and quietly but loud enough for me to hear said, "I'll call you." I paused, then when a pang of hurt swiped through my heart I added, "I love you." As I said this it was barely a whisper, but he must have heard it because a hint of smile crossed his lips.

"Me too babe," he said, and with that opened the door and disappeared down the hallway. I stared at the door for a while, just thinking.

I hated fighting with Riku, even if we always made up. Riku somehow always ended up drunk before we got the chance to fix things. I sighed, I felt horrible, so fucking guilty, and just bad. Determined I grabbed my phone from the nightstand, and flipped it open, dialing Riku's number and pressing the text button.

I wasn't sure what I was going to type so I just let my fingers do the talking. And they seemed to do fine on their own, writing a bunch of words I knew would make Riku feel better.

_I miss you already._

I held my breath as it was sent, and almost immediately there was a reply.

_I do 2, U know I hate to fight wit u. _

_-Riku_

I mentally scolded him for his text writing; I hated when people were too lazy to spell out the whole word and quick typed it.

_Same here, I'm sorry :( _

_It's ok baby, no need to apologize I fucked up 2. But I g2g now, dad's screaming at me to stop texting, love u!!!_

_-Riku_

I smiled. _Ok :( love you too!! Mmm, sexy phone sex later??_

_Ha-ha, FUCK YEAH! Can't wait baby. _

_-Riku _

I sent a quick _okay bye babe_ to him and flipped my phone shut.

I loved Riku so much, just loved him with all my might. And I wanted to do everything I possibly could so we would last forever, because I couldn't live without him.

Because I _can't _live without him.

I just can't.

* * *

**A.N: Okay again not how i wanted it to come out, but close enough. :) Well review and let me know what you think. **

**Also thank you to all those who reviewed you made my day.**

Aria6: Thank you for the review, and dont worry he will not now but soon.  
Spoony Monster: Yeah i never read a story with Roxas looking diferent, so i decided to try something diferent. I was hoping my story would stand out.  
sprees4life: Thank you so much, means alot to me. :)  
sakuraswolf: I know Roxas and his emoness *sigh*, and im sorry i know you want to know about Axel but i dont think you'll have his POV for a while. I'm mainly worriying about Roxas and his friends right now. Demyx will around though.  
DinoDance : I KNOW! i do too and i wrote it! haha  
Vanilla Twilight : Thank you, thank you! And by the way i love you username, dont know if you know the song Vanilla twilight but i think it's super cute _  
beehiveonethreezer0: WOW! thank you veryyy much you're review made me smile :)  
NinetailsGirl09: wil do!  
BonneNuit: :) i do to.  
Rose Riku: Really? Wow, what a concidence. That's really strange but completly flatering i'm glad i gave you something to connect to and I would love to hear some storys that you are willing to share of course about your relationship it could help me in some chapters.


	4. Chapter 4

**AN:** Sorry for the delay, my computer was down! But here's chapter 4, and thanks to everyone who reviewed.

Beta'd by Lanie12777

**Chapter 4**

I hate it when he does this. Hate it with a passion; I'm not some accessory, he has no right to show me off like one.

Makes me feel like shit, like I'm some cheap prize he won.

Right now we're at Silver Seduction, one of the hottest nightclubs that we have in Twilight Town. Well, one of the _only _night clubs we have here. But still, that's not the point; the point is that here we are, surrounded by some of Axel's so-called friends, and he's showing me off like some cheap whore.

Hands on my ass like I'm some cheap lay, and flirting his ass off with everyone else, including me. The only difference between me and them: with them he's at least being flirty and nice, with me he's being flirty mean, and absolutely vulgar. I feel like punching him in the balls, no matter how 'foul' –like Axel's friends so weirdly put- it would be.

And for those of you who are normal and have no idea what foul means in English, I'm going to say it's something along the lines of not fair, or messed up. I'm not sure, I don't follow slang very good, but Axel sure does.

Gosh, did I mention how pissed off I am? He's still gripping my ass, and I hate to admit but it kind of turns me on. I hate that it does but I can't help it, even if he's a total ass, well, he's still mine. Okay I take that back I can help it; I wince as he gives a particularly painful squeeze to my buttocks.

He looks down at me for what seems like the first time since we got here and gives me an apologetic smile. I just glare and turn my gaze away from him; I'm not going to forgive him. He's been frustrating me all day.

"We'll be right back," Axel states, and then he's pulling me after him, heading towards the bathroom. I catch a quick glance at one of the busty blonds he was flirting with, and smirk as I notice her pissed-off expression. Ha-ha bitch, I win. He's mine.

As we enter the bathroom, I find myself being thrown against the wall. Both of his hands are gripping my ass now, while his mouth finds itself busy attached to my neck, licking and sucking, and not gently either.

"Mmm,"I moan, god he's good with his tongue. He says I'm better; I blame it on the candy-flavored gum I was always chewing, it fuels things up.

"God I love you, Roxas," he breathes in my ear. I freeze momentarily, at a loss for words. I quickly recover, pulling him down for a kiss, trying my hardest to distract him from hearing my answer, well my non-existent answer. He doesn't lean in, instead stops inches from my face and smiles at me. "I've wanted you all night," he says, and I smirk.

Ha, take that blond busty bitch, he wants me not you, ha-ha… HA!

"Yeah?" I question, my voice husky. He nods, licking his lips.

"You're so beautiful, just so damn beautiful," he says, leaning his head in a bit. I lean my head in too and suddenly our lips are a centimeter apart and we both want that centimeter to disappear, I know, I can tell. But instead of leaning in the whole way I say, "I'm yours," he loves it when I say that, and I guess that's just what he wanted to hear because before I can even blink he's moving forward and our lips connect. Pressing together passionately, his tongue immediately diving into my welcoming mouth, and as soon as our wet appendages touch I moan a breathy moan. Axel grunts, encouraging my moans, and I moan louder, wrapping my hands around his neck and attempting to pull him all the more closer. I couldn't get enough, and it seemed like he couldn't either. Because he removed one of his hands from my ass and gently cupped my cheek, pulling my head in impossibly closer.

I was on cloud nine.

* * *

A half-eaten hot dog and a Kudos bag with blonde hair dye. That's what I was holding in my hands. My hands were trembling, had been for a while now. I felt so different today, maybe because my red contacts were out; I felt almost naked. I hated the feeling, for two years those contacts had been my wall.

Hiding the real me, hiding the ocean blue that he had loved so much once. But now without it, I felt like for the first time everyone was seeing me, the real me. They were seeing the world behind my wall.

And surprisingly I didn't mind.

But don't get me wrong here; I was NOT changing back to what I was before because there was a chance Axel was back; no, I was just ready for a change.

And the blonde hair dye... well, black was getting old. Not to mention having to dye my roots every other week.

Okay so far I had avoided thinking about him; I had gone shopping, bought a couple new skinny jeans, a black, white, and jean one. Bought some bracelets, and two new tongue rings, but now I had nothing to do but eat my hotdog and think. And I just hated thinking, because he was the only thing to think about right now.

My phone; the best distraction was lying forgotten on my carpet. And I wish so bad I hadn't just dropped it, or that I had at least put some proper clothing on before I ran out of my house. I looked absolutely ridiculous in sweat pants and a shirt.

The only positive thing was that no one seemed to notice me without the eyeliner, tight clothes, and red contacts. I was surprised; seems like no one remembered the old me, guess they just liked me because of Axel after all.

Wonder why they liked me now? Probably 'cause they would all drop their pants for me in a second, I had a reputation after all. Not that I was proud of it or anything.

I wondered what Axel would think when he found I had taken his reputation from him, remembering what I remember from him he would probably be proud. That asshole.

God it felt good to think shit about him, made me feel better.

I was shivering like mad, the wind nipping at my exposed skin. But I was determined. Namine's house was just a few blocks away, it wouldn't take more than 5 minutes to get there.

As I walked my brain began to flash with images that confused me. My eyes furrowed as I tried to focus on the blurry images popping in and out of my brain. I caught a glimpse of a group of figures with black cloaks, and who's that? Riku? The image changed to Zexion, that one guy that was with Demyx, then from him to Namine sitting in a corner doodling in her notepad. But something about that everyday image seemed off; the room was pale white, and bare, nowhere I had been before.

The image changed again, from Namine to Sora, and Kairi too. And then everything flashed black, and Axel? Was that even Axel? There was a figure standing at the end of a barren road, black cloak pulled over them and hiding their true image. Red hair was peeking out of the hood, along with shining emerald green eyes.

It had to be Axel, but I wasn't sure; the image had left as fast as it came.

I clutched at my head, to get rid of the disturbing images. What the fuck was that? I had never seen any of those places before. And why would my mind make me see images of people like Zexion and Riku? Yes I knew them, but they were more acquaintances than anything. I didn't talk to them, hell I couldn't tell you 3 things about them.

That was so strange, felt so real but so surreal at the same time.

I must have been lost in my own thoughts so long, that I didn't notice I was standing in front of Namine's driveway, staring blankly at her house.

I shivered; I had a strange feeling I wasn't going to like what was going to happen today. Maybe I shouldn't have come here… But if I didn't, Namine would have had my head; she's probably going to have my head now, seeing as I left her hanging on the phone, and didn't call back. She probably thinks I ran away or something drastic like that.

It wasn't that late, ten to 6. Okay, so it had been a while, so what?

I swallowed the lump in my throat, and knocked on Namine's door, raising an eyebrow as I heard two familiar laughs from inside, and an unrecognizable low laugh. None of those voices belonged to Namine; I wonder who could be inside with her. From what I could tell it sounded like 3 male voices, but I wasn't sure who they could be.

Tidus maybe? But no, he never went anywhere without Selphie. Maybe she was with Sora and Riku, but no that wasn't possible either because Sora and Riku were back at home, or at least that's where they had been this morning.

I didn't know who else it could be; Namine had many friends, but she barely invited anybody over her house that wasn't Kairi, Sora, Riku-but only because wherever Sora was Riku was-, occasionally Demyx, and sometimes Tidus and Selphie. And of course myself, but I didn't need an invitation, I could live here if I wanted.

I snapped myself out of my thoughts as a hysterically laughing Namine opens the door. I was about to smile back at her - her laugh was contagious - when I see that as soon as she saw me her smile, to put it simply, turned upside down. I had never in my life seen someone go from happy to sad so fast as I had just this moment.

And I would have never imagined that my best friend would have ever been so disappointed to see me that she looked as if I had just punched her in the face.

"Uh, Roxas?" she said, speaking louder than necessary; it was as if she wanted whoever was inside to hear her. And they must have because as soon as the name left her mouth, the remaining noise that was going on by the people inside came to a halt. I raised an eyebrow at her; well if that wasn't suspicious I don't know what was.

"Yeah, uh, came over to see if you wanted to dye my hair." Well isn't this awkward, I've never felt so awkward around her before.

She smiled, strained might I add. "Sure but, uh, I have company…" she said sheepishly. What, did she want me to go away or something, ha- hell no, was I not good enough for her friends or something? "But uh, come in, come in."

I sent her a questioning glance, but walked in anyway, turning to face her as she shut the door. "Who's here?" I ask, genuinely curious.

"Uh, well… Demyx came to visit, and he brought Zexy over." Oh, _them_; I didn't really talk to them, but I had nothing against them. I used to talk to Demyx quite a lot back in the day, but now not so much. I nodded in reply, coolly. "And um, Ax-was uh, nice enough to stop by."

I froze. Ax; I sure hope Axelandra, or Axilie, or someone. I wasn't sure if they were real people, but I sure hope that's who she was talking about. "Ax?" I questioned, sending her a 'you better not be talking about that Ax' look.

"Uh yeah, he's in town for a while, needs a place to stay until he can find an apartment." She stutters, but I didn't notice; I stopped listening after the 'he's in town' part. I still had a glimpse of hope that she was talking about another 'Ax'.

She looked around nervously for a moment before leaning towards me, her lips tight to my ear. "You can go if you want to, you don't have to see him, Roxas." Well so much for that glimpse of hope, I was now 100% sure that the Ax in the leaving room was none other than my ex-boyfriend.

But there was no way in hell I was running away, I wasn't going to let him get the satisfaction of thinking he still affected me. No, I was going to walk in there, greet everyone equally, and act as if he had never left me with a broken heart. Plus I was over him now anyway, right?

Yeah, yeah I was. So see, no problem.

The trouble with my plan was if Axel brought up any moments from our past, seeing as I could only remember all the horrible shit he did to me and not the good things; I wasn't sure why. I think I made myself forget. Good.

I shook my head, "No, why would I do that…?" I questioned, and she gave me an 'are you serious' look. I know, stupid question.

Namine sighed and placed another forced smile on her face, leading me into the living room. As I walked in the first thing I saw was Axel, his cocky-smirking self unchanged, sprawled out on the plush white couch. And my breath caught in my throat.

Bright green orbs caught mine, and I placed a cold, emotionless mask over my features. My heart thundered inside my chest, and I had to force my breath not to catch as that familiar smirk graced his lips. Namine stood beside me, not quite knowing what to do and nervous at what could happen between me and Axel. I gave a small smile to her, and completely ignoring the redhead staring at me, I walked into the room and took a seat on one of Namine's chairs.

Trying to look as uninterested as possible, I kept watch of him out of the corner of my eye. He looked the same, damn him. I plastered a smile on my face as I greeted Demyx and Zexion. "Hey guys, how's it goin'?" I said pleasantly to the small group, making sure to avoid Axel's gaze.

Demyx grinned; he still had the same goofy smile. Zexion simply gave me a bored look, pretty much ignoring me as he gave a slight nod before turning his attention back onto the television; the volume was low, so I couldn't make out what the show was, but it looked like some sort of rock music channel.

"Hey Rox, how you doin', man? Haven't seen you in what, two years?" Demyx bounded up to me, slapping my back lightly in hello as Axel continued to stare at me silently. His lips quirked sardonically at the way I basically ignored him, almost like he knew I was struggling to keep calm. I noticed his eyes flick up towards my hair, one eyebrow raised, but otherwise his face remained the same. It was almost like he dared me to say the first word. Asshole.

Namine stepped up beside me as Demyx went to sit next to Zex. "Would you like something to drink, Roxas?" she asked quietly. She still looked a bit nervous, like she was unsure if a fight was about to break out in her living room. I wouldn't do that, 'cause then that would give Axel reason to think I still had feelings for him. I mean, I still kinda do, but he's not about to know that.

"Nah, thanks though. I just want to get my hair done," I lifted the bag with the dye in it, and she smiled and beckoned for me to follow her to the kitchen. "Pull out a chair and I'll go grab a towel from the bathroom," she told me. I did as she said, placing one of the low-backed chairs in the center of the room and sat down. I laid the half-eaten hot dog down on the table, suddenly not hungry anymore. It was only a few seconds later that I heard someone come in; thinking it was Namine, I turned to face instead Axel. He stood by the doorway, arms crossed over his chest, smirking down at me. Damn, but I hate that freaking look. It always made me nervous when he used to look at me like that, and apparently that hasn't changed.

I turned my head away from him. I didn't want to speak to him; I just wanted Namine to hurry up and do my hair so I could get the hell out of there and as far from _him_ as I could. Finally Namine came back with the towel, and I walked to the sink to wet my hair. Thankfully that got me a slight reprieve from having to deal with Axel, but only for a few minutes. He remained in the doorway watching as she put the dye in my hair, his eyes constantly on me.

"I'll rinse it out in half an hour," Namine said, washing her hands and draping the towel around my shoulders. I stayed in the chair; I didn't want to drip dye on her floor or furniture. Suddenly I heard his voice, the same husky tone that always drove me wild.

"I see you've gotten taller," he drawled. I could hear the amusement in his voice.

Annoyance crept over me. After two years, and that's the first thing he says? "Well I guess I hit a growth spurt," I mutter sarcastically. He laughs lightly, and suddenly everything about him right then irritates me. What the hell is his problem? He fell silent, swigging from the bottle of beer in his hand as he continued to stare.

"You put some weight on too. You were always so thin." What the hell? I feel like snarling at him; he's standing there making mundane comments, like we're two old friends who just grew apart and have found each other again. I wanted to punch the smirk off his face.

"Well I guess I never had the figure you were used to, like all those sluts you cheated on me with," my reply was snarky, but he was seriously pissing me off. A surprised look came over his face, but he quickly resumed his smirk.

"Still feisty as ever, I see," he laughed. "Did I hit a nerve, Roxy?"

"Don't call me that!" I snapped; I'd always hated that nickname. It made me sound like a girl. I sat there and did my best to ignore him, but it was kinda hard with him less than six feet away and watching me closely. The minutes ticked by slowly, and soon my head began to itch from the dye. At least something was taking my mind off him as I resisted the urge to scratch.

Axel moved to grab a chair for himself. As he sat down across from me, he apparently noticed my discomfort as I started to fidget. "Looks like it's starting to change back to your normal color," again I could hear the amusement in his voice as he spoke. I didn't reply, I just shot him a nasty glare and looked at anything else but him.

He remained quiet for the next fifteen or so minutes, until Namine came back to rinse out my hair. I wrapped the towel around my head and went into her bathroom to use her hairdryer, which thankfully drowned out all the noise from the rest of the house. I couldn't help but think about why Axel had come back. I mean, not a word from him for two years, and all of a sudden he just shows up? I shrugged to myself; I shouldn't care. He obviously didn't when he left. I finished drying my hair, and looked at myself in the mirror.

I was almost shocked at my reflection. I hadn't seen myself this way in so long, it was weird. My hair was longer, and I looked a bit older (well, I _was_ older now), but it was like going back in time almost. I brushed my hair out, which didn't really help since my hair had a mind of its own with all the spikes, and walked out of the bathroom. Namine stopped when she saw me, a sort of pleased look on her face at my appearance. She smiled then, and glanced toward the kitchen where Axel was still sitting

"Thanks, Namine," I said, gesturing to my hair as I headed for the door. I had no intention of saying anything to Axel when he suddenly called my name. I turned to face him, and for just a moment I saw the look of surprise on his face as he saw me, before he hid it and once again that damned smirk was back.

"Now that's the Roxas I remember," he said, and I felt my eye twitch; who the fuck did this guy think he was, talking to me like that?

"Oh, please, you wish. The Roxas you remember is gone," I huffed out, truly feeling like the old Roxas. I didn't like the feeling.

"Oh Roxy, you were always so easy to read, you haven't changed that much." He laughed, a low, husky mocking sound, and I groaned internally. Fucking asshole.

"You may look different, but you're still the same Roxas." He had no right, absolutely no right to talk to me like that, to say that. He knew nothing about me, not a thing. God, this bastard thought he was the shit. Someone needed to bring him down from his high pedestal.

"I'm not going to argue with you Axel, say what you want," I said, still hating how he read me so easily.

Axel opened his mouth to reply, but Demyx butted in before he could even get a word out. "Hey guys, who wants to watch 'Paranormal Activity'?!" he asked lamely, chuckling nervously. Axel and I ignored him, too busy glaring daggers at each other. Zexion must have noticed the tense atmosphere, and surprisingly pitched in to help his boyfriend. "I heard it was the best movie of the year," he murmured softly.

"Yes! Me too, let's go watch it," Namine added, her voice leaving no room for argument. "Now!!" she hissed forcefully when neither of us moved. I forced my gaze away from Axel and onto Namine, nodding to her and quickly grabbing a seat on the sofa next to her, making sure to not leave any room for Axel to get any funny ideas! He just shook his head and grinned at me, taking a seat on the recliner chair. "So, 'Paranormal' huh? Sounds great," he commented, and I was taken back, truly surprised . Was he bipolar or what?

"It's rude to talk during movies," I say simply.

He slugged down in his chair, rolling his eyes at me before muttering back to me, "Movie hasn't started yet."

I didn't say anything else during the rest of the movie. I watched it, mildly interested; I always zoned out during scary movies, preferring not to pay attention. Many people didn't know this, but I was terrified of scary movies. Axel knew; maybe that's why he kept looking at me from the corner of his eyes every time something scary happened. He wasn't smirking or anything, just glancing at me. He even seemed mildly concerned. How touching. Not.

The movie had not gone on in complete silence though. Because who would have guessed that Demyx loved to comment on every little part he thought was off, or interesting, or even just comment for the hell of it. He was definitely strange; I just ignored him.

I wasn't going to say anything, just to have Axel think I was taking it out on Demyx because I was jealous. I was not going to give the bastard the satisfaction.

When the movie ended we all sat around Namine's living room. I of course was talking to everyone but Axel -didn't stop him from talking to me and making dumb comments though.

It was pretty late now, around 12ish and pouring rain outside, thunder rolling fiercely, and lighting flashing through the windows lighting up the room with its spark.

"Roxas, are you going to be spending the night, it's raining pretty hard; I don't want you walking home in that," Namine said, placing her hand on my thigh in a comforting manner.

I thought about it for a second, and no I was not; there was no way I was spending the night in a place where Axel was. Knowing my luck I would get stuck sharing a room with Axel, or worse - a bed. So no way.

"No, I'm just going to, uh..." Fuck, I have no money for a taxi, "call a friend and see if they can give me a ride home."

"Roxas, don't be silly, just stay the night!" Namine scolded.

I frowned at her, and gave her my 'shut the fuck up' look. That told her 'don't mess with me right now'. "No," I say.

She huffs, and stands up from the couch, walking towards the kitchen, probably to get an Advil or something. She's always complaining that I give her headaches.

"I'll take him home." Oh god.


	5. Chapter 5

**A.N:**_Okay so i know its been a VERY long time since i've updated and i apologize. It's been rough lately, and i know this chapter is short but my mind is so hectic i thought i might as well post it. I already have the next chapter about half done give me about a week and it should be posted. So please dont be to mad :) and thanks to all those who reviewed favorited and so on. And thanks to those who kept telling me to update and pushed my lazy butt to do it. _

_Read and Review. _

* * *

**Chapter 5**

I stepped out onto the porch, eyeing the rain balefully. It's childish I know, but I completely blame it for the predicament I was now faced with. I mean, if it wasn't raining, then I wouldn't need to find a ride, therefore opening up a situation for Axel to offer me a ride home. So yes, totally the rain's fault.

Butterflies danced nervously in my stomach, and my jaw ached from clenching my teeth hard. I so did not want to ride in a dark car with my ex, it was bad enough having to spend time in the same room together. And to make it worse, my house was a good twenty minutes away. Damn it.

Axel ran past me in the pouring rain to his bright cherry red BMW; I'd heard from Namine that he'd gotten it a year ago, and he was almost fanatical about keeping it in pristine condition. I guess I could understand. He always was a bit of a nut for cars, and this was his first brand new one. For one instant, I had the dark inclination to trample as much mud and dirt into the car as I could. All simply because I knew it'd piss him off. But the moment passed, and I refrained from tracking as much dirt as I possibly could as I rushed to the passenger's door and climbed in.

"So, you still at the same place?" he asked me as he cranked the car, the dash lights illuminating his features.

I nodded, and he gave a quick grin before directing the car onto the highway and heading towards my house. It was quiet, neither one of us speaking. The radio was off, for which I was thankful; I so did not need to hear that loud crap he likes to listen to. I fidgeted a bit, anxious to be home and out of close proximity to Axel. I hated to admit it, even just to myself, but he made me nervous. I could practically feel the heat emanating from his body, and it was driving me crazy.

It was a huge relief when he finally pulled up in my driveway. The silence had become stifling, and all I wanted was to leap out of the car and run to my room. I quickly undid my seatbelt as he turned off the engine, but a strong hand gripping my upper arm stopped me. I immediately stiffened, and I figure he felt it because he all but jerked his hand back. "Roxas, wait. I just wanna talk for a minute."

Sputtering, I gaped at him with an incredulous look. "Are you kidding me?" I rasped out.

Axel leaned back in his seat. That annoying smirk he'd been wearing all day appeared again. My teeth gnashed together at the sight of it.

"Look, this is stupid. Are you going to be this uptight every time you see me?"

My eyes narrowed. "What?" He was starting to piss me off.

He shifted in his seat, giving me a better view of his face. "Come on, Roxy, you've been like extremely tense the moment you walked in Namine's house and saw me. It's been over two years; what we had together was great, but it's in the past. But I would like for us to at least be civil to each other, if not friends."

I sneered. "Friends? Like that's gonna happen! You cheated on me and left me, and you want us to be friends? Keep dreaming," I felt like smashing my fist in his face. Who the fuck does he think he is?!

He sighed. "And here I'd thought you'd grown up some. But you're still exactly the same as you were two years ago." His eyes glittered in the light from the streetlight at the edge of my driveway. It took a moment for his words to sink into my tired brain.

My hands clenched into fists. I'm being childish because I don't want to be his friend? If I'd done to him what he'd done to me, he'd never want to talk to me again. But as usual, Axel always thinks of Axel, and damn everyone else. I was so sick of it! He has absolutely no concept of anyone else's feelings.

Glaring at him, I snarled, "Fuck you," and got out of the car, slamming the door hard. I stomped up to my front door, yanking my key out of my pocket as I heard his car start up. I didn't look back as he pulled out of the drive and left.

I huffed as I got inside, leaning against the door. I don't know why I let axel get to me like this. I knew Axel was slick, knew the man could get a reaction out of me when no one else could. So then why did I allow it? Why did I let that goddamned bastard get to me?

It seemed like even after all this time Axel still managed to give me feelings of self-consciousness. From every look to every laugh he made, or sometimes even a comment. I couldn't help but cringe at the thought that he had been laughing at me and not at what Demyx said, or think that his comment had had a second hidden meaning.

Every word that came out of Axel's mouth made me want to hide under the bed. Which was something I would not do because I had some fucking dignity, and people who have gotten over their ex-boyfriends do not hide under the bed because of them.

And especially not Roxas-godammed-Hikaru. I was one fierce man... Or, er, adolescent. I never really liked how that word seemed. Or sounded anyway.

Anyway, none of that mattered 'cause Axel didn't affect me anymore anyway. I wasn't even sure why I had been thinking all that nonsense before anyway.

"Pshh. Axel who?" I muttered, not realizing my brother was in the living room staring at me like I had grown a second head.

But then again I suppose I did look kind of comical with the way I was making weird faces every time I thought of something. And with the way I'd slammed the door, and the way I was glaring at the floor... And, well, I guess I just looked outright psychotic at the moment.

* * *

**Reviews are Ell-OHH-V-EE (love)**

**& thanks again to all those who stuck with me in these last few months. :)**


	6. Chapter 6

**AUTHORS NOTE: IM BACK! haha, i can say that updates will be up more regular now. One every 2 weeks maybe, once a week if its a good week. Schools coming to an end and i can finnally focus on my stories. So stay tuned for updates. I promise not to take tooo long. **

**So read and make sure to review**

* * *

My brother Sora, if I hadn't said it before, was something else. He was only 10 minutes older than me, though we were nothing alike, from the way we acted to the way we looked. He was my polar opposite: friendly, nice, and carefree. Not to mention he seemed to get all the good genes from our parents; from his light chocolate-brown hair, to his curious wide deep blue eyes, which he had been lucky enough to have inherited from our father, while I got stuck with plain grey-blue eyes and shaggy gravity-defying blonde hair. Two words: not fair.

Everyone loved him; it was hard not to like him. The way he presented himself was always so breezy and carefree, and his smile was just so contagious that you couldn't help but be happy. I guess you could call me bitter for not liking him all that much, but his life always seemed so perfect. He had the perfect friends, the perfect grades, and of course his perfect boyfriend Riku. Which as we all know I can stand to a point, as long as my brother wasn't in the same room.

"Sor, what are you doing here?" I sighed, running a weary hand through my damp blonde locks.

He raised an eyebrow at me, remote hanging limply in his hands while he surfed the channels. "Well, last time I checked I lived here, Roxas," he said simply, pronouncing my name irritably; he turned his head away from me, favoring to look at the changing channels of the TV instead.

Did I forget to mention we can barely stand each other? Oh I did? My bad!

When he is around me his friendly carefree 'I'm so happy all the time' mood disappears faster than Marluxia when he sees a good-looking guy or girl. And trust me, he disappears pretty fast.

I just simply rolled my eyes, he could be such a brat at times. I walked over to the couch and flopped down on it, making sure to leave a fair amount of room between us. I curled my feet underneath me, and snuggled up comfortably to the throw pillow.

"I know you live here, but it's almost 1 in the morning," I looked over at him. "What are you doing up?"

Sora bit his lip thoughtfully, as if debating whether to tell or not. Not that I blamed him; we weren't close, never had been and probably never will be. He's a bit too fake for me anyway. That didn't mean I didn't love him, and I'm pretty sure he loved me to. We were brothers after all, but besides the occasional forced conversation to make sure all was good and well we never talked.

He had his own life, all of it centered around his boyfriend and his friends. He never made much time for family, not even the rare times when mom was home and wanted to spend time with us. He never cared if he saw mom, didn't care to see if she was even still breathing and alive. As long as he could go off with his happy-go-lucky friends and do his own thing he was satisfied.

And yeah it made me angry, that he had the fucking nerve to blow off his own family for random people who wouldn't give a shit about him 2 years from now. When they all grew up and had to go off to college, and then who would he have? Definitely not me, I'm not the kind of person that is there just when you need me. If you want my love you have to love me when you're not in need and when you are in need. Love isn't conditional; that's just something he needs to learn.

"I couldn't sleep," he mumbled, so softly I could barely catch it.

I nodded; it felt awkward sitting here next to him. I wasn't going to ask why, it wasn't my place.

"Riku has been so distant lately," he blurted out, and I was taken aback by the emotion in his voice. He never showed me emotion, he never told me anything, not even if I asked, which I don't. 'Cause that would mean having to start a conversation, something I'm not very good at.

"Uhm…" I said, not really knowing what to say. "Why?"

He bit his lip again, and I couldn't help but think that if he kept doing that he would have horribly chapped lips very, very soon. One thing you must know about me is this; I absolutely cannot stand gross, cut up, nasty chapped lips. Ew; I shiver, that's the worst thing a person can have.

It's called Chap Stick, people!

"Well, it's just his 'family' is always calling him for one thing or the other, which frustrates the shit out of me," Sora rambled on, and I swear soon my eye was going to start twitching. And hold on a second, did he just curse? Oh god, call the police, the world is ending. "And we never get to spend time together, which frustrates me so much, and…"

I blocked the rest of what he was saying out; I had a feeling he was going to ramble on for a while. But I knew there was a reason I could barely stand Riku.

"Sora, dude, just breathe," I said as he started choking all over his words. I scooted closer to him and awkwardly patted his back as his breathing calmed.

"Rox, you know something?" he said softly, his eyes still glaring intently at the carpet.

"What?" I ask.

"You're not that bad."

"Thanks," I guess?

A couple hours later I was still deep in thought, laying sprawled out on the coach, the flickering image of the TV being the only thing lighting up the room. Sora had long gone to bed, and if I was to guess it was most likely around 3:30 in the morning, and mom would probably be getting home soon. But still I could not bring myself to go to bed, could not bring myself to go check the many missing calls I probably had right about now.

I was, to put it simply, just too lazy to do anything right about now.

I watched with mild interest as Sponge Bob blabbered and giggled with that annoying laugh of his on the TV. Cartoons; that was something I was sure I would never outgrow. Especially the classics like Sponge Bob. Not only that, it helped keep my mind off things I really did not want to think about. Things like, oh I don't know, AXEL!

I had expertly avoided thinking about the frustrating male up until now. I know it was inevitable I would think about it eventually, think about how he had changed so much. I was still so surprised to see that his precious hair had been, to put it simply, chopped off. His hair was precious to him back then, he had kept it long for as long as I'd known him. He had sworn to never cut it off, and that if he did his exact words were, "The day I cut off my hair is the day I am no longer Axel Asher."

So just imagine how beyond myself I was with the fact that he now had shoulder-length hair. Shoulder length! Not only that, but he had tattoos now, 2 of them, and to top it all off right under his eyes! God, everything was still so new and unbelievable that if I hadn't seen it with my own two eyes I would have never believed it was him who I had seen today, who had given me a ride home.

But I could tell not everything had changed; he still wore that stupid smirk like a pro. And despite the two years of hell I had gone through because of him, no matter how much I hated to admit it I was still affected by him. He still seemed to be the only one who could get under my skin, who could get me worked up enough to snap. I had worked so hard throughout the years to become stronger, to not let anyone else affect me, hurt me.

And he just decides to come back and try to ruin that? No sir, not me, not again.

And mark the word TRY, because he could try but he would fail; I wasn't going to fall under his spell again. I wasn't going to give up everything I worked so hard on, just for him. Not again!

I know that for a fact, no matter how different he claimed to be now, he was still the same kid who had broken my heart. I can't even count how many times he had promised me he would change, and not even one of those promises had been kept.

_***ding dong***_

My head snapped up and my eyebrows furrowed. Who would be at door around this time of night? I knew for a fact it wasn't mom, she had a key, she had no reason to ring the doorbell. I checked my watch; it was 3:56, mom usually got home around 4:30 so it couldn't have been her anyway. I sighed; it was useless to sit here contemplating, I might as well just go see who the hell it was anyway.

I stood up, and careful not bump into anything in the dark made my way to the door. Unlocking both locks, I tiredly swung the door open. And I can't say I was very surprised to find Riku standing on the other side of the door, looking like always a bit sheepish. It's not like the guy gave a shit what time it was; he treated this house like it was his own home anyway. Showing up whenever he wanted, invited or not.

"Rico," I sigh, "do come in," I say sarcastically, he knows I don't give a shit if I offend him. I think he's gotten use to my antics by now, and if he hasn't he should.

He rolls his eyes and steps in around me. "It's Riku with K U, geez Roxas how many times are we going to go over it?" he asks, exasperated. Yeah, we do go over this a lot, but what can I say I like the way Rico sounds; the little kid from Hannah Montana was amusing, so if I wanted to call him Rico I would.

I close and lock the door after he enters, and follow him into the living room. Just loving the way he makes himself at home on the couch, even though he is not in his own house but a stranger's house.

"Well," I huff, "maybe you should change your name Rico with a C O." Yeah, take that.

"Okay, Rox, I'm just going to go and change my name because Mr. Know-It -All thinks it sounds better with a C O," he says laughing, and pats the seat next to him. I grumble indignantly but sit down on his left anyway. It's 4 in the morning, and heck there's nothing better to do than hang with Rico or Riku, so whatever, might as well.

"You should, after all didn't you just say that I knew everything?"

He chuckled again, "God you're such a ball of sunshine, Roxie." Did he just say Roxie? Oh lord he did, he said Roxie! Oh hell no, I was going to rip him into 2 or maybe 3; I'll let Sora keep his baby making appendage.

I glared at him, "I hope you know that if you ever call me that vile name again I will cut off your dick, chop it into little itty bitty pieces, then fry it and force Sora to eat it, all while I force you to watch your precious being eaten by the so-called love of your life!" I raged.

He must have thought the fact that I wanted to cut off his dick really funny because he burst into an uncontrollable laughing spree. And he must have laughed for 10 minutes straight, holding his stomach, and trying to no avail to form a coherent sentence. I just waited patiently for him to finish, an eyebrow raised in amusement. What can I say? His laughter is a bit contagious after a while.

"Haha, wow Roxas, you're too much man," he chuckled and stood up, shaking his head. "Well, I'm gonna go upstairs and lay down with the 'so-called love of my life' for a little while, I haven't seen him around much, and I have a feeling he kind of wants to strangle me right about now," Rico-er, Riku said; the look on his face almost made me smile. I knew he really loved my brother, and I guess I could be a bit happy that he found the one thing that I craved for. That I once had but had let go. I could be happy that he had a happy life, even if I myself did not.

"Goodnight," I murmured, and he smiled and bid me goodnight as well.

I unfolded the blanket that lat at the end of the couch and wrapped it around myself, settling in on the couch for the night.

**Reviews are love**

**Show me some :)**


	7. Chapter 7

A.N: Hello :)! I'm sorry this took a bit longer than i first thought, also theirs a warning this chapter LEMON AHEAD, just a memory thought dont get too excited lol. Well read and ENJOY!

Oh and heres a poem given to me by a wonderful reviewer that i fell in LOVE with that goes perfect with the story so here it is. **THANK YOU BeehiveOneThreeZer0 **

**Hate Poem by Julie Sheeman...**

****

" hate you truly. Truly I do.

Everything about me hates everything about you.

The flick of my wrist hates you.

The way I hold my pencil hates you.

The sound made by my tiniest bones were they trapped in the jaws of a moray eel hates you.

Each corpuscle singing in its capillary hates you.

Look out! Fore! I hate you.

The little blue-green speck of sock lint I'm trying to dig from under my third toenail, left foot, hates you.

The history of this keychain hates you.

My sigh in the background as you pick out the cashews hates you.

The goldfish of my genius hates you.

My aorta hates you. Also my ancestors.

A closed window is both a closed window and an obvious symbol of how I hate you.

My voice curt as a hairshirt: hate.

My hesitation when you invite me for a drive: hate.

My pleasant "good morning": hate.

You know how when I'm sleepy I nuzzle my head under your arm? Hate.

The whites of my target-eyes articulate hate. My wit practices it.

My breasts relaxing in their holster from morning to night hate you.

Layers of hate, a parfait.

Hours after our latest row, brandishing the sharp glee of hate,

I dissect you cell by cell, so that I might hate each one individually and at leisure.

My lungs, duplicitous twins, expand with the utter validity of my hate, which can never have enough of you,

Breathlessly, like two idealists in a broken submarine."

* * *

You never get a second chance to make a first impression. If only we could all remember first impressions, and they will either open the door or close it. You never get a second chance…

So I guess I could say 1st impressions are pretty important, since you never get a second one after all. People will forever remember the 1st impression they ever had of you, even if you try to change their mind. Somewhere deep inside they'll always remember how you treated them the 1st time. Blah, blah, blah, bullshit!

I've been lectured on and on about 1st impressions all my life: in school, at home, on the bus, in the corner, everywhere.

Let's just say this... That teaching went to shit. I never paid attention, never even gave a fucking shit, never cared to pay attention. It's always been that way since I was kid, I just never gave a shit about what people thought, it never fazed me. I showed it too, I acted a fool, played around, messed around, broke some hearts here and there. Always living by my own rules, never caring who I stepped on my way there.

I never believed in 1st impressions, who needs them when you got a face and body like mine, right? I always knew my face would take me places, and truth is high school never really ends. Out there in the real world, there're still those stupid clicks people stick with. People still care about what you look like; you think some modeling company is going to hire someone just 'cause their smart? Nah, you have to have the face even, if you're just behind the scene.

They could care less what you know, or what your attitude's like. So much for 'don't judge a book by its cover'.

I know for a fact that most people I've had the pleasure to meet in my 22 years have judged me upon seeing me, one way or the other. One look at me and I could tell what they were thinking: he's just a little spoiled rich pretty boy. I can only remember one person not ever judging me upon first sight… Roxas.

I still remember meeting him. I had been at a party with Demyx. We had been drinking a lot that night, but I still somehow remembered everything perfectly. I remember Dem introducing us, and I remember how taken I had been with him, so taken that I had ditched Demyx and sat outside all night with him just talking. Something I hadn't done in a while with someone other than Demyx or Marluxia. I remember forgetting about all the plans I had in my head that night, the plans to find a pretty girl or boy and give them a night to remember.

Roxas had made me forget all those plans with his shy smile, and glowing personality. He had been so shy back then; he had looked so different back then. With his short spiky blonde hair, and his cute dark blue eyes. Not to mention he had been at least a foot shorter than me, now I wouldn't be surprised if Roxas reached my nose.

Roxas's 1st impression on me was eye opening, he had me hooked from first sight, and he didn't even have to say anything. Though I still remember our first conversation perfectly…

"You really are something else, huh?" I asked, chuckling as he stuck his tongue out at me playfully.

"Well, I'd like to think so," he joked, "I sure would hate to be ordinary."

I laughed, looking at his deep blue eyes. I couldn't help but notice how cute he really was, pale as snow with dirty blonde hair. Cute wasn't usually what I went for, but he was too cute to pass up. I had to have him, be it in bed or in general . The kid had me hooked.

"Ordinary is too… boring!" he stated as an afterthought.

"True, true," I said, then clicked my tongue as I thought of something." You know something… we've been out here all night and I don't even know how old you are." I had to laugh at that, it was unbelievable we had been talking so long and I hadn't bothered to find out how old the kid was.

He chuckled, "We've talked about the most random things and you come to ask me my age now?" He asked teasingly," What if I told you I was 11, huh?"

"Then I would probably call my mom and ask her to get me a therapist."

He smiled, "And why's that?" His eyes were shining in the moonlight as he blinked at me innocently.

"Because I don't think it's normal for an 18 year old to be attracted to an 11 year old." I said, and scooted over closer to him 'til our breaths were mingling just inches apart. "Do you?"

He was blushing madly now, looking down at his lap and fiddling with his thumbs. How cute he was shy, I couldn't help the goofy grin that splattered on my face as he fidgeted.

"N-no, definitely not normal!" He lifted his head and sent me a forced grin. "But I think you should still call a shrink 'cause I'm still 15, underage and off-limits," he said, I could tell he was playing around with me and I couldn't help but laugh, the kid was good.

"Off-limits?" I questioned, the kid had a boyfriend? I really hoped not, he was cute, not usually what I went for but cute enough. And a personality that said it all; it'd be a shame if I lost this one. Maybe he'd be the lucky one I finally kept for more than a night or two; I could definitely see myself spending time with the kid. But I wasn't sure I was willing to give up my freedom so fast for some kid I barely knew.

Not that he could tie me down. I've had a few girlfriends before, but they were all open relationships. I even had an actual boyfriend once, but still it didn't seem like I could keep it in my pants, and Roxas didn't seem like the type to take that shit like my ex had.

"Oh no, I'm single," he said, "I'm off-limits because I'm underage, and I doubt my mom would like me hanging with an 18 year old. She's always going on about how they only have one thing in mind and blah, blah, blah."

"Eh, I was never good at following rules anyway," with that said I leaned forward, my mind set on kissing those plump pink lips. But before I could he turned away, and shook his head.

"I'm sorry Axel, but I've heard a lot about you, and usually I don't judge people by those sorts of things… but I've seen how you are first hand, I go to your school if you hadn't noticed. And I will not be just another conquest," he explained, scooting over to his left and away from me.

I sighed, why did he have to know about all that? It was times like these I hated my reputation. "Okay, that's fair… but knows this, I wasn't thinking of making you another conquest." I leaned over again, captured his face between my hands and forced him to look at me." You interest me Roxas, is that so wrong?"

"If I'm not a conquest then why did you try to kiss me?"

I opened my mouth to answer, but shook my head. I didn't have an answer to that, what could I say? I sighed, "Touché, kid, Touché."

He glared at me, "I am not a kid!" He slapped my hands away from his face, and huffing turned his face away.

"Sorry, force of habit," I explained.

He gave me a questioning look, "You have a habit of calling people kid?"

"Nah, just you."

He huffed," I'll buy you breaking habits for dummies then."

I laughed, this kid… er Roxas, he was something special.

He's the kind of person that you don't forget, you just don't. Roxas is unforgettable in every way, at least to me. I still remember every kiss, every hug, every shout, every laugh, everything. I remember all the pain and the hard times we had to go through, most of them caused by me, but I remember all the good times too.

I remember how his jealousy always amused me, he never had anything to be jealous about though because there was a time where I would have dropped the world for him. There had been a time where I had been completely and utterly head over heels for him. In love in a way I had never been and will never be again, that kind of love like the love I had for him is not something you forget, and it's not something that goes away overnight, maybe not even in 2 years.

I can't say that I still loved him like I did back then, but seeing him again I couldn't help but think there was still something there. Maybe not love… definitely not love, at least not the kind of love that was for a boyfriend or a girlfriend. But the love that was saved for someone you had spent many years of your life with, the love saved for the person who knew all their was to know about you, and had been with you for such a long time you couldn't help but have some type of feeling for him or her.

I'm not going to lie and say I wasn't attracted to him because I was, very much. Maybe more now than I was back then, he had changed a lot, and I couldn't help but notice how much more beautiful he looked now. He looked more dangerous now, exotic even.

You had to be blind not to notice how beautiful Roxas was, he had changed so much. It still had me perplexed; I wouldn't have believed it had I not seen it with my own two eyes. And a part of me couldn't help but imagine what it would be like to hold him in my arms again. Stroking his pale flawless skin, and kissing those pouty plump limps, all while I thrust into his tight heat. Lost in the pleasures of his body, just like I had been so many times in the past.

I groaned as I thought of all the times I had passionately buried myself deep within his willing body. Every time mind-blowing and passionate. Filled with loving kisses, soft caresses, and so much fucking love that you'd drown in it. At least from my end, every time I made love to him I put every ounce of love I had in me into it. I may have not have been the best boyfriend in the world to him, but I always made sure he knew how much I loved him.

I spoiled him when it was just us, let him know he was special, let him know I loved him. It was him that was always so indifferent, I can only recall him saying the words 'I love you' to me twice in the whole 2 years we were together. Once when I found out my uncle had cancer, I had been devastated and he had been right there with me, letting me know everything would be alright and that I would always have him no matter what.

And the second time being the first time we made love…

Blue eyes sparkled up at me. I wasn't able to resist any longer; I leaned down and brushed my mouth against his petal-soft lips. I'd meant to give him a sweet soft kiss, just a light caress, but that idea went to hell when Roxas moaned huskily against my mouth, wrapping those pale arms around my tan neck, pulling me closer. Roxas seemed to revel in the feel of my body flush against his own. He'd always seemed to love the feeling of my naked body pressed against him, and I could feel his body flushing with heat at the contact.

I groaned; we hadn't done anything other than sleep when we had arrived from the hospital last night, and I wanted nothing more than to take Roxas into my arms and fuck him 'til he couldn't walk straight the next day. I had waited so long for Roxas to get over himself and his shyness that if I didn't get him tonight I was going to go insane. It had been such a stressful day, and I doubt I could handle more disappointment.

I hadn't gotten any sex lately, I had been with Rox almost 24/7, so I didn't have time to go out and find someone to spend the night with. I was a bit disappointed, but he made it worthwhile.

As if reading my thoughts, Roxas began trailing his hands down my torso, our mouths still locked together tightly. I let my hands travel over Roxas's throat, down his collarbone to the top edge of his chest. I grinned into the kiss at the thought of finally getting to do this with Roxas, and let my fingers rub over his right nipple, gently pinching it as I toyed with it, causing it to perk up.

I let my tongue slide easily into Roxas' mouth, rubbing sensuously against the blonde's sweet tongue. Leaving Roxas' sweet cavern, I followed the path my hand had taken, and planted openmouthed kisses down his neck and shoulder. Making sure to suck hard on Roxas's special place, right behind his ear where his jaw met his impossibly long neck.

I stopped every so often to nibble and lick certain spots, making Roxas groan loudly and writhe. Pale hands and blunt fingernails dug into my back as I held him in place, continuing my teasing of his chest. My mouth finally met with my hand on Roxas' hard nub, and he arched up as my mouth surrounded the budded peak. I looked up at him as I suckled hard on him, my tongue stroking the nipple repeatedly.

I felt his hands dive into my hair, pulling my messy locks out of the usual ponytail. I felt my hair cascade down my back in heavy strands, and I shivered as Roxas' fingers twined into my fiery messy locks as he pulled my head impossibly closer to his chest; it almost seemed as if he was trying to make me devour him.

He was whimpering now, wriggling as I began teasing his other nipple with my fingers; it must have been too much for him to bear because he let out a shriek and pushed my head away from his chest.

I let my mouth be pulled away from the now wet flesh, and smirked at him before once again continuing my path downward. I lightly mouthed Roxas' bellybutton, stabbing my tongue into it a few times and driving him insane as he bucked wildly at the sensation. I trekked further south until I came to the hard cock that I'd felt stabbing against my thigh earlier.

Leaning up, I glanced at my prize. Roxas was rock-hard, oozing pre-come copiously. Blowing a shallow breath over the tip, I smiled mischievously into lust-filled eyes before running my tongue over it, swiping up the fluid.

Screaming loudly, Roxas' back bowed nearly off the bed as his fingers held their death grip on my messy locks. I couldn't help but feel smug and satisfied at his reaction, I'd had lots of partners in the past, but none had ever been as vocal as Roxas was being at this exact moment.

I opened my mouth and fit it over Roxas' erection and proceeded to bob my head up and down.

I shifted, arranging my body more comfortably between Roxas' now widespread thighs, and drew as much of his cock into my mouth as I could. Which was not much, seeing as I had a very sensitive gag reflex, but Roxas didn't seem to mind. I hummed and ran my tongue over the vein on the underside with every lift of my head, and lightly raked my teeth over him as I went back down on Roxas. I continued to pleasure him with this for several minutes until I felt Roxas tense beneath me, signaling his orgasm was close. I quickly pulled my mouth off him, not wanting him to come just yet. I wanted to be buried deep inside him when that happened.

Moving back up the blonde's body, I gazed appreciatively at the sight of the flushed and panting vision of my soon-to-be-lover. Setting myself atop of Roxas, the younger man welcomed my weight as his arms wound around me. Bending my head down, I again met Roxas' mouth, my tongue twisting around his own this time. He tilted his hips up against mine, letting me know without words exactly what he wanted, and that he was more than ready for us to keep going.

We broke apart for air, and I reached over to the nightstand, groping to find the bottle of lube I'd bought. Smiling down at Roxas, I popped the top and poured a small amount into my hand.

"You sure?" I mumbled, not wanting to push Roxas into something he didn't want or didn't feel ready for. But at the same time not willing or ready to stop either.

Roxas gave me a firm nod and smiled, it was clear that his nerves were getting the better of him. "Just go," he whispered huskily.

I'd wanted this for so long, I still couldn't believe it was finally happening. I really had thought Roxas would make me wait forever. I remember him saying one time that I'd have to wait 'til he was 18. Let's just say I was very happy I didn't have to wait that long. I wasn't scared of getting in trouble. Roxas' mom loved me, and even if she found out I was fucking her son I knew for a fact she wouldn't press charges. So all I had to worry about now was making the most out of this experience.

He was staring at me lovingly, his eyes shining with trust, and I reached down and traced a slick finger around his puckered entrance. I pushed in slowly, keeping in mind that he was still a virgin and that I couldn't treat him like I did all the sluts I'd fucked in the past.

He was tensing up a little at the strange feeling, clenching and unclenching around the intrusive digit. He soon relaxed, getting used to having one of my fingers in him. "You okay, babe?" I questioned softly.

"Just feels kind of weird," he reassured me, then chuckled lightly. "Like a finger in my ass."

I took advantage that he was distracted and pushed a second finger inside him; he automatically tensed again. Glaring at me he ground his teeth together. "A warning would be nice," he ground out, it didn't seem to really affect him much if the way he was writhing was anything to go by.

I smirked and shoved my fingers in deeper, curling them, rubbing around trying to find the special spot that I knew would drive him wild. He gasped and looked up at me, crying out as I hit his spot again and again. Grinning, I continually rubbed his prostate, watching as the blonde moaned and panted in pleasure as his hips moved in time with the thrusting of my fingers.

I was a bit speechless; Roxas was a natural. He knew just how to move his hips, knew just when to scream and knew just when to moan. I was rock-hard just watching him. I discreetly brought my unoccupied hand and jacked myself off as I watched him writhe on my bed.

Scissoring my fingers, I stretched Roxas for several minutes 'til I deemed him loose enough. Withdrawing my fingers, I poured more of the gel onto to my hand and coated my bare cock, moving back into place and setting the tip of my erection against his opening.

In the back of my mind I thought about getting a condom, but Roxas hadn't said anything, and I sure as hell was not. I knew he probably thought I was using one, but I could just feign innocence come morning. I've always used one before, so I was 90% sure I was clean. Still, there's that 10%… I shrugged, I was rock-hard and I couldn't be bothered with one at the moment.

Meeting hazy eyes, I slowly inched inside of Roxas, trying to be as careful as I possibly could. I didn't want to hurt Roxas; I wasn't completely heartless, I knew I felt something huge for the kid.

I dared to look at his face as the head of my penis breached him, seeing the slight pain on his features. I stopped, but Roxas shook his head and gestured for me to continue.

"Don't you dare stop," he whispered, wrapping his legs around my waist. I felt my heart clench and I smiled gently, resuming my entry, sheathing myself fully inside of Roxas.

"Fuck," I hissed, groaning at the snug warmth clenched around me, shuddering hard. We both laid still, panting hard as we waited for the last initial pain to fade. I could feel him clenching around me, tightening up his passage and making it almost unbearably tight. I could feel every inch of my pulsing cock being smothered by his moist cavern.

Wriggling his hips, he let me know he wanted me to move. Leaning up to gaze into Roxas' flushed face, I began thrusting into his tight heat, causing the blonde to catch his breath at the pleasurable feeling.

"Ax," Roxas moaned aloud, moving in time with my slow thrusts. I kept up a slow pace for several minutes, 'til I could no longer handle the slow speed. Roxas' moaning and groaning were driving me wild with lust.

I sped up, thrusting into his body like a wild man; my hair was everywhere, hitting my face and back like whips of rope. But I could care less I was so into it; all my surroundings seemed blurred, all I could hear was Roxas' sweet voice calling my name, and the distinct sound of sex. The sound of skin slapping on skin, and the wet sounds of my cock fucking him silly.

"Axel!" he shrieked, moaning aloud, trying his hardest to keep up with my rapid thrusts.

"Oh, god, more, don't stop-" He was cut off abruptly with a loud cry as I raked over his prostate with the strength of a full-grown raging bull. His nails dug into the skin of my back as he gripped onto me more tightly, his face buried in my neck. I knew I was going to look like I got into a cat fight with a lion come tomorrow morning, but I could care less at the moment.

I aimed for that spot again, accurately hitting the bundle of nerves with the head of my cock over and over again as Roxas clung to me, nearly going hoarse from screaming in ecstasy.

"Oh, god, I love you, fuck don't fucking stop." I felt my eyes go wide at the words, and all of the sudden I wanted nothing more than to slow down and make love to him sweetly and softly. But I knew I was too far gone, so I sped up even more, going at it like there's no tomorrow, feeling Roxas' inner muscles grip me tighter as he neared his climax. My own end was not too far behind; I reached down and clasped Roxas' shaft in a firm hold, stroking the head in rhythm with my thrusts.

Roxas arched hard, his body clenching tightly around me, suffocating the member embedded deeply within him, triggering my own orgasm. I called out Roxas' name and shuddered, releasing deep inside my love's body, loving the way Roxas' inner body spasmed around me. Roxas shot his cum all over my stomach, it smeared all over both of us as I collapsed onto him heavily.

We were both breathing hard; I lay on the semi-conscious blonde for a few minutes, then finally pulled out of him and stood on wobbly legs.

I shuffled into the connected bathroom, retrieving a towel so I could wipe us both clean. Coming back to the bed, I chuckled at a now-snoozing Roxas, sitting next to him and gently cleaning him of any fluid before doing the same to myself. Tossing the towel into a corner, I gathered Roxas into my arms and cuddled the blonde close, kissing his temple softly as I closed my own eyes to join my lover in sleep, mumbling a quick 'love you too' and letting my mind wander off to sleep, my last thought being, 'Much better than any one night stand.'

**_

* * *

_**

**Well thier you have it! Next update may take a bit longer i'm going on vacation but hopefully i'll have time to write on the plane! Well REViiiEWW! REVIIEWW! and REVIIEEWW!**

**Forever-Waiting-Here : Oh, you'll have to wait and see, haha but if he is Roxaas is gonna go karate kid on him lol.**

**BeehiveOneThreeZer0 : Thank you for the poem i loved it! And ohh riku and axel? mwaahahha you'll have to wait and find out!**

**Vithian: * catches little hearts* Thank you for the review, AND I KNOW, i always thought that i mean dang i'd be mad if i had to give my life to some random person.!**

**Superkawaiifreak : Thank you for reviewing! ill keep you wondering 'bout that for a while, and hmm i wonder what your thinking haha. Maybe just maybe your right!**

**Concise Complexity: Thanks :) sorry i made you wait :(**

**Rose Riku : Thank you for the reviieeww rose riku, lol love the name btw.**

**Miann36 : I know my spellings not the best :/ but i try. Thank you for the review and the motivation. My beta reader looked over this one so it should be good.**


	8. Chapter 8

**A.N: Hi guys :) i'm really sorry about the delay, my excuse; i was on vacation in the middle off nowhere middle caicos ever heard of it? No? Didnt think so, theirs 300 people and no internet i was going psycho. good news is i got alot done, this chapters fairly long and i ha****ve the next chapter half done should be by the end of the week. thanks for being patient, love your reviews :)**

**Disclaimer: as always i do not own KH or KH2.**

_**dedicated to vanillatwilight cause she always reviews, and i love her name and that song :)**_

* * *

"We need to start talking about your future," she said, curly red-blonde hair falling into her eyes as she talked. Her expression was that of a woman who had been through a lot, wisdom showing through her tired baggy eyes as she stared at me, unwavering and determined.

"What?" I uttered, I can't deny that the statement surprised me. Mom had never been concerned with my grades or where I was going in life. It's not like she didn't care, more like she didn't have the time to care. She worked two jobs to support two children, and by the time she got home the only thing she had time to worry about was sleep.

I didn't blame her; I knew she worked hard to provide us with the food and comfort we were used to, because she always found time to spend time with me on her off days like today. It was a shame Sora was locked up in his room talking on the phone, I could see it in her eyes that she wanted him to come downstairs and see the movie with us. But Sora was as selfish as ever, opting for doing god knows what with Riku upstairs rather than spending time with the mother who broke her ass to maintain us.

"You heard me, Roxas! Don't think you can keep putting this off!" Simone said, exasperated.

I looked at her like she had grown a second head, and groaned. "Putting what off, mom?" my voice had gone high pitched and whiny, and had it been anyone else I would have told them to fuck off in a 'I have no emotion' voice. But with my mom, I always felt like the old Roxas. I could lie to myself, but I could never lie to her. She saw right through me no matter what I did; I blamed it on her motherly instincts.

"Roxas J. Trumper, don't get whiny with me! You know exactly what I am talking about." Her face was stern, and anyone that knew my mother knew that she meant business. "Do you want to end up working at some greasy fast food restaurant?" she questioned, her long painted nails hovering right in front of my dumbstruck face, getting ready for the motherly point of disappointment. "Or do you want to get off your lazy ass – and yes I said ass, so don't give that face, you're not 5 – and start applying for a good college so you don't end up bumming off your dear mother for the rest of your life!" she exclaimed, and I held in a nervous laugh. If there was one person who scared me in this world it was my mother, she could be nice, but when it came to her children, watch out.

"But Mom, what would you do without me?" I asked teasingly, knowing very well I was setting myself up for a tickle war.

She scoffed, "Ple- eassee, as soon as you and your brother are in college I'm taking the savings left from the bank and sending myself off to the Maldives for a well-deserved trip!" She looked at me, "And I do deserve it, don't I Roxas?" Her fingers were wiggling close to my stomach, getting ready to tickle attack me, and I let out a nervous giggle

"Yes mommy!" I shrieked childishly.

"Yes," she hummed, seemingly lost in her own fantasy world, "I deserve that, and a nice trip to Hawaii too if I do say so myself. "

"What do you think, Roxas?" she asked, turning to face me.

"Sure mom, whatever you want," I say, loving the way she smiled happily. "One question though…"

"What?"

I grinned cheekily, "Do you not know your own son's name, your fist born, the peanut butter to your jelly, the fat to your roll, the big to your bobbies?"

"Watch how you talk to your mother, young man," her eye twitched at the word bobbies, and she picked up the throw pillow and chucked it hard at my laughing face. "And what the hell are you going on about?"

"Well dear mommy, just that you called me Roxas J. Trumper, J," I said, making sure to get my point across by stressing the letter J.

She huffed, but she was still smiling big. "Well Roxy dear, would nagging at you sound as good if I just said Roxas Trumper?" she raised a delicate eyebrow. "Admit it, nagging sounds much better when I say Roxas J. Trumper."

I shook my head, my mom was something else. "Whatever you say mom, whatever you say."

"Don't think you're off the hook, we'll talk about this again soon… be expecting it."

I sighed, "Okay."

"You know…" she said, her voice soft, eyes concentrated on the flashing pictures of the TV, "if you really wanted to surprise me, you could start applying without me having to whoop your ass so you do it."

"Whoop whose ass?" Sora asked, stepping into the room and flopping down on the loveseat, Riku right behind him. Sora's hair was tousled, and he looked tired and satisfied. His whole demeanor screamed 'I just got fucked, and damn good too'.

"No one, dear," my mom smiled, her eyes shining with excitement. I knew she was ecstatic to have Sora here right now, anytime she got to spend with the kid she cherished seeing as she rarely saw him, two times a week if she was lucky. She turned towards Riku and offered him a tight, forced smile, "Long time no see, Riku, did you spend the night?"

Riku nodded, "Yes I did, Miss Trumper." I rolled my eyes and scoffed, who was he kidding with the polite boy act? Oh, did I forget to mention mom didn't really like Riku? My bad then, how could I forget such an important detail? Well, to put it simple, mom thinks Riku's out to take Sora's precious virginity, and then that he's going to rape her son a couple times, and to top it all off he's going to leave him dead in an old alley. Paranoid much? Uh-yeah!

Can't blame her, Riku's got quite the rep as the heartbreaker. Doesn't mean the poor kid's a murderer though.

What dear old mommy doesn't want to get in that thick skull of hers no matter how many times I try to tell her is that…

1. Sora is far from a virgin, very, very, _very_ far.

2. If Riku had wanted to rape Sora, he would have done it a long time ago.

3. And last but not least, Sora may be small, but the kid packs a punch.

I would know, we've been in plenty of fights. And on one occasion we ended up throwing chairs at each other, each ending up with black eyes and plenty of bruises. Let me tell you not fun, but even though Sora and I fight occasionally I would still kick ass for him. He's my brother, whether I like it or not.

"Sora dear, I would really appreciate it if you asked before you brought your, uh, boyfriend, to spend the night," she said attentively, I could tell she was nervous and even a bit wary of what Sora would say. My mom yearned for Sora's attention 24/7, and whenever he would go off on her it would break her heart. And Sora was known for his ever-changing attitude; I could swear the kid was bipolar.

Sora shot mom a glare. "Whatever mom, it's not like you're home half the time anyway," he reached over to intertwine his and Riku's fingers. As if to throw it in her face, and let me tell you I love my mom, and no one messes with her, especially not Sora.

"Watch how you fucking talk to mom, Sora," I hissed, shooting an equally heated glare at him.

"Language Roxas," she chided, then turned towards Riku, giving him a stern look. "Riku, I think it's time for you to go, we have to have a family talk."

Riku nodded, he really didn't want to be around for the talk anyway so leaving was fine by him. "Okay," he turned to Sora, his big blue eyes were narrowed to slits and his face was tomato red as he glared daggers at his mother. Riku gulped, knowing Sora was about to have a fit.

"It's okay baby, I'll come by tomorrow and we can hang out; ill take you to a movie… how does that sound?" Riku said softly. He cupped Sora's cheek affectionately and smiled as the brunette nodded, pressing a lingering kiss into his palm.

"Okay," he breathed, not liking the aspect of Riku leaving again at all. "But! You best call me when you get home," Sora cautioned, letting Riku's captive hand go.

"I will," Riku pecked Sora quickly, knowing that would probably just make Simone hate him more but not being able to resist after seeing Sora so down.

I watched the whole encounter, with a stoic mask on my face. I let my eyes drift to Sora's face as Riku kissed him, and I had to tear my gaze away no longer being able to look at the sickly-sweet couple. I wasn't bitter… I just couldn't stand to see couples being all lovey dovey, it made me sick to my stomach.

If they wanted to do all the love crap, do it in private.

As soon as Riku left my mother stood up, her hands clenched into fists. "I-I don't even know if I should-" Simone paused, her voice tight. "-even try to talk this over with you, because you never seem to understand."

"I understand everything just fine!" Sora snapped. I bit my lip, knowing if I didn't I would burst and it would be anything but pretty.

Simone shook her head. "No, Sora, you don't understand, you think you know everything but you don't! You are only 16 years old Sora, you don't know anything yet!" she pointed out.

"Just because I'm 16 doesn't mean I don't know anything!" he rebutted.

Simone sighed. "Sora, honey, you have to understand that you're not fully developed yet, the choices you make will haunt you for the rest of your life if you don't make them wisely," she warned, walking until she was a foot from him.

"There are some things you just can't get back baby, and when you find that one special person you're going to wish you had it and you're going to regret giving it up.."

I wanted to scoff. I knew my mother was talking about Sora's virginity. She always worried that it would be viciously taken away by Riku; she knew I was a lost cause, I had given mine up a long time ago. Though I had never told her, she knew that Axel and I had been sexually active. She had lectured me day in and day out about being careful, and using protection. Now it seemed she wanted to have one angel son, one that would save himself for marriage.

Even when Sora and Riku would both come out of the shower together she never got the hint, I think her sanity depended on Sora's virginity. Who can handle to whore sons after all?

"Giving what up?" Sora questioned. "What in the hell are you talking about?" Sora demanded.

"Sora, don't lie to me, I've known Riku for a while and while he might be a good kid, he has quite the reputation." She carefully sat down next to Sora, squeezing his thigh reassuringly. "I'm not asking you to stop seeing him, break up with him or anything. I'm only asking that you don't let him pressure you into sex, I know it can be tempting but-"

"Ha-ha," Sora burst out laughing, interrupting Simone's sentence. He couldn't believe that his mother actually thought he was still a virgin, and what was even funnier was that she thought Riku had pressured him into it; if anything Riku had been the patient one.

"You think Riku pressures me into sex?" he questioned, still chuckling. "Oh, please mom, he doesn't have to pressure me! Trust me when I say I'm a more than willing participant."

Simone's eyes got wide and fearful, and she shook her head, stuttering, "A-are you trying to tell me you've had sex with him already?"

I rolled my eyes, Sora has more sex with Riku in a month than a prostitute does in a year. I did try to warn her, hell the signs were all over the place but she chose to ignore them. Thinking of Sora as her perfect little Angel.

"Have I had sex with him already?" Sora repeated. "Only twice a day, every day," Sora said, knowing it was a bit of a white lie, but it was close enough to the truth.

"I can't believe this," Simone shook her head, her face getting hard and stern. "From now on, Riku's only allowed over if I am home. And he will not step foot in your room, you will both be downstairs in the living room."

"WHAT?" Sora screeched, "I don't think so!"

"My house, my rules; when you turn 18 you can move out and have your own rules, but while you live under my roof you'll follow my rules."

"Oh my god, this isn't fair! Roxas doesn't have any rules like that!" Sora hollered.

"Roxas is almost 18, Sora, and he knows better than to bring his little one-night stands over here. You are still too young for… _that_, at least tell me you're using protection." Even I could hear the almost desperate tone in her voice.

Sora smirked nastily, his eyes narrowing. "No, mom, we're not using protection! Riku fucks me bare, no condom, no anything, all the time!" he sneered sarcastically, lifting himself up from the couch and walking out, not looking back once.

A couple hours later, I sat on my floor, staring absentmindedly at the ceiling.

"It's so hot!" Namine screeched, shoving another spoonful of melted double-chocolate death-bomb ice-cream into her mouth; some dribbled out and onto her chin as she talked but she didn't pay it any mind and kept shoveling mouthfuls in, even though she looked like she was about to have a chocolate explosion very, _very_ soon.

"Yeah," I sighed, crashing down onto the carpet from my crisscross position, no longer being able to support my own weight. Saying it was hot was the biggest understatement of the century; there weren't enough words in the English language to describe the temperature, it was seething, boiling, scorching _hot_.

Those three were the only ones I could think of on the spot but give me a dictionary and some cool air conditioning and I could come up with a couple thousand more.

My skin felt like it was being melted off my bones; I was afraid to look down and find it to be true. Right at this moment such an impossible act couldn't surprise me, I felt like a Hershey's bar ready to be made into hot fudge sauce to top off some fat man's ice-cream Sunday.

I didn't dare try to touch myself, everything felt sticky and uncomfortable. Like when you spill soda on yourself and let it dry. I lay on the floor, making sure no part of my body made contact with the other. I feared if I even let my thighs rub together, that they would get stuck together permanently.

I didn't hate spending time with Namine – she was my best friend after all – but if she hadn't been in my house at this moment, I can assure you the last place I'd be is sitting here on my bedroom floor sweating like a pig. Oh no, I would be enjoying a wonderful cooling bath, filled with freezing cold water, all the ice cubes from my fridge, and my lemon-scented bath bubbles. And yeah I still used bath bubbles, got a problem? No! Good, didn't think so.

"I am so bored!" she fumed, still stuffing melted ice-cream in her mouth. "So bored and HOT!"

I lifted my head to look at her and instantly let it crash right back on the carpet, grunting in agreement. What I didn't understand was if she was so bored why didn't she just go home! I loved her, really I did, but her being here was making me suffer in a stuffy room, with hot carpet and no air conditioning , and not to mention she was keeping me from my fantasy bath. A bath that I have been dreaming of for so long… 2 hours to be exact.

It didn't solve her little predicament of being hot and bored, but it sure as hell solved mine.

"Very hot," I mumbled.

"AH! What did I ever do to deserve being cooked alive?" she ranted," God wants to bake me like a triple chocolate cookie and I don't even taste good." I could only raise an eyebrow at her, I wasn't about to interrupt when she was in one of her moods. I just wanted her to get up off my carpet, walk out the door and do whatever Namine's do on weekends.

Which if I was to guess was lay around her room sketching 'til her hand cramped up, in which she would then go downstairs, grab a bite to eat, and then go right back to painting.

"Who would want to eat me anyway? I mean I don't taste very good!" The distressed blonde brought her arm up to her mouth and gave it a good long lick. "Ew, I taste sour and salty and a bit like chocolate…"

"Interesting combination," I commented. I wasn't really paying attention, but there was no need to make the girl feel bad. Not to mention she would probably go berserk on me if she found out I was ignoring her.

She took a deep breath and let out a wail, "I even heard that human meat tastes nasty from the red-headed girl in science!"

"Nancy," I murmured; Nancy was the red-headed girl from science class that Namine had mentioned. I wasn't surprised, not one bit that Nancy would have that kind of conversation with Namine. The girl was far from normal, she always had a comment or a fact for anything anyone said. She was like a walking encyclopedia, it could get annoying but I wasn't complaining… yet.

"Yeah, whatever, her," Namine rolled her eyes and crawled over to Roxas, crouching down on her knees next to him. She extended her hand, and suddenly there was a spoonful of semi-melted ice-cream in my face. I simply shook my head, chocolate wasn't really my thing. I thought about it for a second. It had to be at least 200 degrees outside, not to mention the air in my house had stopped working last night, something to do with a power outage. But still chocolate was ok, but double chocolate with chunks and more chocolate on top was just way to chocolaty, it was just down Namine's alley though.

"Roxas," she sighed," I'm losing it man, we need to get out of this heat." Namine was going insane, she felt like throwing things out the window. And she probably would have too, but that meant getting up, and she barely had energy to lift her hands. The only reason she would lift a muscle was for this delicious double-chocolate death-bomb delicacy that was threatening to blow up her stomach, anything else could wait.

"I have an idea," I said thoughtfully, I debated in my head whether or not to tell her. I felt like if I said it aloud and then it couldn't be done I would be getting both our hopes up. I wanted to go to a pool, but seeing as I wasn't friends with anyone who owned a pool it seemed a bit out of reach. And I wasn't that much of an asshole, I wasn't going to mention it to her only to rip the hope out from under her when my follow-up sentence would be 'but I don't know anyone with a pool.' And I absolutely, positively refused to go to a dirty public pool, where little kids pooped and peed, and old people dropped their dentures, teenagers had sex, and middle-aged people did whatever they did when they were going through a mid-life crises.

I refuse I say, REFUSE!

Namine's eyes got wide and hopeful, and she let out a fake dry sob. "What is it?" she hissed, her face impossibly close to mine, her blonde strands of hair tickling my skin. I could only raise an eyebrow at her, she was such a drama queen but you had to love her like that, because if she wasn't then she just simply would not be Namine.

I turned my head to the side, letting my eyes roam around, looking anywhere but at her. "Nothing, never mind."

"NO!" she screamed, and I flinched looking into her wild crazy eyes. "NO ROXAS! You will tell me your idea and if you don't I'm going to take your precious baby making machine and…"

Namine's angry ranting was interrupted by her cell phone ringing, and she grumbled angrily before getting up and stomping over to her phone, flipping it open with a simple, "Hey."

I sighed in relief, thankful to whoever had called Namine. I really didn't need to find out what she was going to do with me. I feared for my health, not to mention my precious balls; had it not been for whoever called I'm not sure what would have happened. Namine could be one fierce girl when she was angry, and it didn't help that no one pushed her buttons like me. Some called it a gift to be able to get under her skin, I called it a curse. Seeing as she was usually such a calm and well-behaved young lady around others, what the others didn't know was that was just Namine's good girl act; in truth she was anything but a nice well-behaved young lady that was the perfect role model to all young girls on the island, oh no in truth she was freaking vicious. Like a snake with 3 heads, or Medusa.

That's why I loved her though, she knew how to play people. Knew just how to use them to her advantage.

"Who's this?" Namine questioned, not recognizing the number or the voice, and I listened intently to her talk on the phone.

"Oh!" she laughed, "I didn't recognize your voice, for a second I thought it was some crackhead prank-calling me." I rolled my eyes, you could call Namine a lot of things but a liar is not one of them. She said it like it was, never gift wrapped anything to make it more bearable. The first time Axel cheated on me, she told me just like that. 'Roxas, Axel cheated on you.' Didn't cover it up, didn't make me sit down so I wouldn't faint when she told me, and didn't make any excuses on his behalf.

"Ha-ha, you're welcome, I'm here all week," she joked.

"Ugh, I know, I feel like I'm being baked in an oven!"

"Uh-huh, and the worst part is Roxie's air isn't working, something about a power outage last night or something blew a fuse. I'm not sure, I'm not a tech wiz."

"No way, you guys are so lucky, a freaking indoor pool? I always knew Zexy's parents were loaded."

"Really? Hell yes I'll go, beats laying around here waiting to sweat to death." I heard the person on the other line mumble something I couldn't quite catch, and I scrunched my face in confusion when Namine paused, looking over at me and biting her lip. "I don't know if Roxas will want to go though, and I can't just leave him."

I wanted to shout YES you can, just leave me here to sweat to death, I don't mind, as soon as you leave I'm going to have me an ice bath anyway. But I bit my lip, I never cared if I hurt anyone's feelings, but Namine was different. She's the only person that seemed to understand me, and I hated getting into fights with her. Even though our fights never lasted I just couldn't bring myself to make her angry. I could be a jerk to anybody, but that was in the Roxas rule book: never hurt Namine.

I did wonder though… Why did she think I would ever want to miss the chance of going to an indoor pool in this heat? I couldn't think of one reason not to go, that is unless that _thing_ was going to be there. In which then I would reconsider, 'cause trust me when I say I'd rather cut off my left nut than be within 50 feet of Axel.

"Hold on, I'll ask him now," she turned to me, a sickly sweet smile on her face. "Roxie, do you wanna go to Zexion's house with Demyx, Axel, and I?" As she said Axel, her voice got low and I could barely make out what she was saying. But I knew her well enough that I didn't have to hear her to know just what she had in mind.

"Namine dear, do I look like I want to be around that redheaded freak?" she sighed, and lowered her head. "I'd rather gouge my own eyes out than be around that walking fire hydrant."

"Ax, he says he'd rather gouge his eyes out than be around you," Namine replied loudly, looking straight into my eyes, challenging me to mess with her. And I blushed, embarrassed that she had told him what I said. Not that I should have expected anything different from her.

"Huh? Yeah sure, hold on," she grinned at me and handed me the phone. "He wants to talk to you."

I glared at her, didn't she understand that the last thing I wanted to do was communicate with this man? I would be the happiest man on earth if I never had to see his face again. If I could just forget that he existed, forget that I had dated him and forget all about him. I didn't want to have to live like this anymore, I didn't want to have to wake up every morning, trying to remember all those blurred dreams.

I was tired of not remembering, I needed to move on, to get as far from him as humanly possible. He'd haunted my dreams for the last 4 years of my life, and I was more than ready to dream of something new. I was tired of waking up and not remembering what I had dreamed of, only remembering that it had been about him and that once again I couldn't remember any of it.

You never do get what you want though, destiny is sick like that. It plays with you, lets you dream and hope and wonder. So you dwell on the 'what if's, and before you realize it you're 80 years old and you're still wondering what if I'd done this, what if I hadn't done that… what if? Second chances are overrated, if you did it once you're bound to do it again.

Wishing was for dreamers; sure I could wish to start over, I could wish for a new life… one without Axel. But what good will wishing do? I see and hear about people that when they have a problem they cry to god, hoping he'll make it all better. But he never does, no I think what he does is gives you the strength and the willpower to overcome it, and you can choose to either take it or leave it.

You can sit at home crying and praying things will get better, or you can get up and do something about it.

I did something about it, I changed my own life and I took fate into my own hands. I wasn't about to sit by while others planned out my destiny for me.

My life is my own, and the choices I make are my own and nobody else's. I follow the path I choose, not the one set for me.

Even though what I wanted most was impossible, that never stopped me, and I tried to overcome it and work with it as much as I could, 'til I could get as close as possible to my 'wish'.

But for what you want most, there is a cost that must be paid in the end.

At that moment, as I reached my hand out to grasp Namine's phone in my hand, realization hit me like a ton of bricks, and I realized that all I had worked to perfect these last 2 years just wouldn't be possible, not anymore. Axel was here… he was back, whether I liked it or not, and I realized the path I had chosen for myself had a couple of bumps in the road, bumps that were known as Axel.

What got to me though was that I couldn't do a damn thing about it; it was completely out of my hands. My fate was once again in the hands of that asshole, and I couldn't do what I did last time. I couldn't pretend he didn't exist, because every time I turned a corner he could be there, he could be in the supermarket, at the club, anywhere I went. And from now on, I couldn't pretend he didn't exist.

I couldn't help but notice though, that maybe just maybe he was right, maybe I just needed to let go and stop dwelling on the past, get it through my thick skull that if he was back it sure as hell wasn't for me.

I needed to understand that he hadn't come to ruin my life, he had moved on. Faster than I have, that's for sure.

He was here because he could be, he had grown up here, and what right did I have to think he couldn't be here? Because he had broken some naïve kid's heart way back when? No, that was no reason. Not to mention I was no longer that naïve kid any longer.

Because I just realized that I was no better than him, everything he had done way back then I was doing now. I felt my stomach clench, and suddenly I felt dizzy; my head spun as I accepted the fact that all this time I thought that by acting the way I was, and looking how I did I would get stronger, I would forget and I would move on.

But no, I had just been fooling myself; all I had been doing was creating a lie. Building a wall so no one could take a peek at the real me, so one no one would notice just how hurt I had been. And on the way I had lost myself, and I had become just like him.

I had locked up all the good memories and let the bad ones surface so that I could be stronger. But not anymore; I was going to prove to him, to Namine, to everyone that to be strong I didn't need to be like him. I was going to be strong on my own from this point on. I was going to stop avoiding the past, and just embrace it. I was going to accept that I had been in love with Axel, and that he had left me. And it was all going to be okay because I was no longer in love with him, and that's what made me stronger.

I was going to be the Roxas my mother has raised me to be, independent and strong. I didn't need to act like Axel anymore, because the truth was that I was stronger than him.

I didn't need to drink every night 'til I was too drunk to speak. Didn't need to sleep with nameless faces, and didn't need to hide behind a wall.

Because I didn't need all that, and that's what made me strong. Axel had been dependent on that, and upon losing myself so had I. But not anymore.

I opened my eyes, and I let myself see the world anew. Bringing the phone to my ear I took a deep breath and let all my fears go, I wasn't going to run away anymore.

"What?"

"Now, now Sunshine!" Axel joked, "no need to be so bitter."

"What do you want, Axel?" I questioned, irritation starting to creep up. He didn't seem to want to make this not running away thing easy on me.

"Aw, come on Roxy, why don't you join us at Zexion's?" he whined playfully, and I rolled my eyes; if he could be so cool about all this why couldn't I? I knew he was trying to be friendly but my heart just wouldn't accept it. It knew deep down that Axel was just faking all this, he wanted to get on everybody's good side, and if that meant being friendly with me then that's what he would do. But he wasn't fooling me, not by a long shot. Just because everyone else had forgiven him didn't mean I had, Axel had a lot of groveling to do if he wanted that.

"Demyx is here, and Marluxia got a day off from work just to catch up… it wouldn't be the same without you," Axel explained.

I still wanted to throw him off a cliff. But no, I had to restrain myself; I couldn't let him be one step ahead of me, I wasn't about to let him get in my head. If he wanted to play games, then let the games begin.

"Namine won't come if you don't, come on don't ruin everybody's fun."

I smirked, "Okay, I'll go."

"Aw, come on why not – wait, did you just say yes?" Axel sounded confused.

I surprised myself by saying yes, but if anyone asked I would just blame it on the heat. Actually I'm just going to forget anything I just thought of the last 5 minutes. My head was pounding in my head and all these thoughts were driving me insane. The heat wasn't letting me think clearly, yeah that's it… That's probably why I had let my mind wonder off into lala land. And ranting on about all that, who was I kidding? I was nothing like Axel, and I had nothing to hide, I most certainly didn't hide behind a wall.

The heat must been playing tricks on my brain; I think the sooner I get in that pool the better. The only thing that did register in my mind as true is Axel's stupid games; he was trying to fool everyone by making me look like a raging bitch while he got off as a victim. I wasn't going to let him win though, I was going to reveal him for the stupid bastard he was. By playing the game just the way he was playing it, he wouldn't even see it coming.

"Yeah, I did." I sighed. "But I don't have a car so I suggest you come and pick us up before I change my mind."

He laughed, and I was surprised how happy he sounded at the aspect of spending hours with me. If I had been him I would be dreading it. "Yeah no problem, I'll be over in 30!" he said.

"Okay, but uh, hey! Who else is going to be there?" I asked, genuinely curious, I wasn't a very social person.

"Well besides who you already know, just one of my college buddies Xigbar, and maybe Larxene."

"Larxene?" I questioned gulping, I hadn't seen her around too much lately. And I sure as hell wasn't complaining.

What describes Larxene?

She's sarcastic, and bitchy, with an odd sense of humor, which usually consisted of pinching, biting, or slapping people for her own enjoyment. I should know, I've had my fair share of bruises from Larxene.

"Yeah," he snickered, "don't worry, she'll be too busy torturing Xigbar to pay any attention to you. You know how she likes to welcome newcomers."

I shuddered at the thought of what that poor guy would have to go through. "I feel sorry for him," I muttered.

"Eh, he'll be fine, Larxene's going to have her work cut out with him, he's as sinister as her," Axel commented.

"Let's just pray they don't become partners in crime."

"Oh god, if that happen no one within a 20 mile radius would be safe!"

I burst out in a fit of giggles. "Well if it does happen we will have no one to blame but you," I said playfully. "Know what that means, right?"

"What?"

"We get to castrate you!"

Axel burst out laughing, "I think I'm going to keep Larxene very far from Xigbar, I'd rather take all the punishment than be castrated."

I shrugged, "It's your funeral."

"Yeah, but you know what those sick animal adoption people did?" he questioned, not letting me respond. "They cut off Star's balls! My baby will never have kids now," he cried out.

"Who's Star?" I asked.

"Oh he's my black Labrador, he's only a year and a half old, and they took out his balls!" Axel shouted. "I will never forgive those sick cruel people," he said, his voice laced with genuine humor.

I rolled my eyes, but couldn't help but smile. Axel was just too silly sometimes. "Okay first of all, what kind of moron names a male dog Star? And second of all it's called getting neutered, which they have to do because there is a huge overpopulation of dogs. If they didn't do that with all the male dogs imagine how many of them would be on the street starving!"

"Yeah, I know… but I want little Stars!" he said, fake crying into the phone. "And that moron would be Demyx!"

I heard Demyx protest in the background, and I shook my head. "Have you seen all the starving homeless dogs that have been around town lately?"

"Yeah, I have, and it's not just Twilight Town, they're in Hollow Bastion too. I just wish I could take them all home… but I can't."

"Me too, or adopt one, but my mom's allergic to dog and cat hair so I can't," I explained. And it was true, every time I saw a dog on the street I felt my heart break, wishing I could help him but knowing that even if I fed him he'd probably be dead anyway within the month. It was really sad that the mayor wasn't doing anything about the animal problem, but why worry about the animals when you can be worrying about how much pork you're going to eat tonight.

"Yeah I remember you telling me that once, I'm sorry, I know how strongly you feel about animals," Axel said, his voice soft and compassionate. "But hey, you can always come over to my place and play with Star, he loves attention, he gets so mad at me when I leave him in the house too long, I get back and he ignores the shit out of me."

I smiled," Yeah maybe, and uh you got your own place already?"

"Nah, not yet, Dem and I are crashing at Zexion's house for a while, we're still looking though so let me know if you hear of anything good."

I nodded, temporarily forgetting he couldn't see me, "Okay, I'll keep my eyes open."

"Thanks, uh, I should go, I have to go pick up Marly from work and then I'll head to your house."

"Okay, uh, bye," I replied awkwardly, waiting 'til he said goodbye so I could hang up.

"Yeah bye, oh and don't forget towels and an extra set of clothes. Zex said you guys could stay the night since your air isn't working and all, he's got plenty of guest rooms," he reminded me.

"Uh, I'll tell Namine, and we'll see."

"Okay, okay, I'll let you go." He laughed, "See you in a bit, Roxy." With that said he hung up.

I couldn't help but make a stupid grin, my heart was beating really fast and my stomach kept clenching uncomfortably. I groaned, I must be hungry or something. I debated whether I should convince Axel to stop at McDonalds, or if I should make something to eat before I went. I decided making Axel spend his money would make the lunch taste all the better.

I was surprised how easy it had been to talk and joke with Axel. I had been expecting it to be all short sentences filled with tension. But on the contrary, the conversation was nice and it flowed easily, and what was more surprising was I hadn't snapped at him even once. It felt like I was talking to Namine or my mom, except Axel actually listened and he didn't interrupt me. It had been a while since I had a conversation about something I liked, something I felt passionate for. With Namine we always talked about stupid things, meaningless conversations that neither of us remembered in the morning. We never discuss politics, religion, nothing serious. I knew we had contradicting beliefs so I tended to stay of the topic, but Axel had…

"ROXAS!" Namine shouted.

I flinched as I heard her scream, and my head flew up to look at her. "Christ Namine, don't scare me like that!" I hissed.

"Next time don't ignore me while I'm talking to you, geez Roxas someone would think you're on drugs the way your mind wonders."

I grined sheepishly. "You love it," I stated, that stupid grin still splattered on my face.

She rolled her eyes, looking at me suspiciously. "You either have something planned, or the heat must really be getting to you, because the Roxas I know would never be grinning after talking to Axel Asher." She sounded almost bitter as she spat out the words. She was glaring intently at the spoon in her hand, looking anywhere but at me; I was taken aback.

Why was Namine acting like this all of the sudden, she had been the one that had wanted to go in the first place, now she was acting as if someone had a gun to her head. I sighed, why did I hang around with girls so much anyway, their mood swings always drove me up the wall, especially Namine. There were moments where she would be so happy, and then all of a sudden just start snapping at me. Which of course would get me boiling, and so the yelling match would start. But for some reason she would just start crying and apologizing; that's the one reason I tended to stay away from Namine on certain days I think she would get snappish. Screaming I could take, but crying was a whole other thing.

"Calm down Namine, no need to blow a gasket," I replied calmly, trying to keep my cool and prevent one of Namine's famous mood swings.

"I'm calm," she stated, but to me she looked far from it. Her face was red with anger, and she was squishing the chocolate ice cream carton so hard ice cream was coming out the top.

I rolled my eyes, lifting myself up and heading for the closet. "God, Namine, bi-polar much?" My voice was slightly muffled as I talked from inside the walk-in closet, but I was sure what I had said was good natured. But by the way she reacted, you would have thought I had offended her mother or something.

"I'm not fucking bi-polar!" she yelled, her voice loud and hoarse. I looked back at her, and her eyes flashed with unexplainable anger.

I just stared at her, not understanding what caused her outburst. Sure I had called her bi-polar, but I had only been teasing her, she usually knew when I was joking. "Sorry," I mumbled, not wanting to say anything else to piss her off.

Namine looked down, ashamed that she had blown up and lost control once again. Her eyes drifted to her pink backpack, and she sighed knowing that she would have to take 2 more pills before she left to Zexion's. She had taken 2 in the morning, thinking that would be enough to hold her off the entire day; it usually was. But it seemed like her body was building a resistance to the pills, she would have to talk it over with Doctor Vexen next time she saw him. She refused to end up like her mother and aunts. Her family's history would not catch up with her; unlike them she was strong, she would keep this thing under control if it was the last thing she did.

She quickly jumped to her feet, diving her hand into her backpack and reaching for the white bottle. She made sure her back was to Roxas so he couldn't see; she looked back at him, making sure he wasn't looking, and stuffed two pills in her front pocket.

"I'm going to go change in the bathroom, okay?" She reached in her backpack again, grabbing her black and gold bikini and holding it up in explanation.

I raised an eyebrow, but nodded. Namine didn't need to ask to go to the bathroom, she usually just got up and went. I knew it was useless to try and understand, there was no understanding her when she was in one of her moods. So I just ran a hand through my newly blonde locks, and went back to rummaging through my clothes, trying to pick out some overnight clothing.

* * *

gomenasai-for-everything :Thanks for reviewing, :)  
Vithian : ohh i i hope the cops didnt get you for your party :) haha, and yeah i know i love my little evil Roxas. He's a littlw soft in this chapter, but he'll still be jerk for a while. This chapters for you and your awshome party!  
NinetailsGirl09 : aww im sorry i probably made you explode from suspense, but unexploded because here it is!  
Forever-Waiting-Here : thank you, and it will just not now Roxie's still hurt and it will take some time.  
XxKH-FreakxX : aww thank you you made me blush ! your too nice!  
Concise Complexity : thank you , and im sorry i made you wait so long.  
Superkawaiifreak : woah, thanks for the super long review i love those *.*! And oh sorry for the grammar mistake i'll have to go back and fix that! whoopsiiees. Lol, and thanks so much for the compliments thats really nice :)  
Superkawaiifreak : OH MY GOSH! i was so happy when i read your review cause you got it exactly! It takes time to forgive someone after just up and leaving you without a goodbye or anything. And roxas is hurt, he's not just going to go running to Axel. As for Axel he's a jerk ... yeah but you gotta love him :)  
Rose Riku : your welcome! and thank you for reviewing.  
TopHatGlow : i know, bad axel! he made Roxas all emo and mean . still love you though Axie poo!  
CommandoMomo: i shall, i shall and here it is. late but... here  
Vanilla Twilight : i know, roxys always all depressed lol. And Axels a jerk. :P and thank you for reviewing, you rock your always reviewing that means alot to me.

REVIEW


	9. Chapter 9

_**I'm sorry for those who couldnt read this chapter i fixed it! let me know if it worked!**_

**A.N: Hello my wonderful readers, thanks to all those who reviewed last chapter. I was a bit disappointed at the lack of reviews, bu t i understand i took a really long time to update so yeah! But heres a speedy update, which i hope you will ALL LOVE! This chapter is important, it might not seem it but it has alot of important details about all the characters that will be very important in the future. I wonder who will figure out namine ? hmmm, anyway Read and dont forget to review.**

**Disclaimer: still dont own, still wishing on stars.**

* * *

To me, being a waiter had never come easy. I'd never had the waiter attitude per se, not to mention the mentality for it.

But despite all the odds here I am. Parading around a crowded restaurant, in black dress pants and a tight maroon button-down shirt, serving rude customers and working for a cheap boss who paid me hell of shit, and only cared about himself.

My family had laughed a lot when I had first gotten this job. I had been ecstatic, 21 and straight out of college and already, I had scored a job. My baby brother Demyx – who had been straight out of high school at the time – had said that I wouldn't last a month here.

2 years later, I'm miserable and still a waiter at this sorry excuse for an international restaurant. I had proved him more than wrong, for four years I had worked my ass off at Automatische Freud (or Automatic Delight in English), and I was still serving drinks and taking orders from dirty old men, who thought they had the right to slap my ass every time I passed their tables. And not to mention cranky old women who always seemed to mistake me for a woman.

"Waiter girl, my food is cold!" screeched the thin-haired old lady, and I rolled my eyes. I hated customers like these, my name was on my tag and it was most definitely NOT 'waiter girl'; I wasn't even going to waste my time pointing out that I was most definitely not a woman. The older customers always seemed to be the cause of trouble around here, they were grouchy and bitter. And this lady still seemed to be living in the 1900's; she was wearing a long-sleeved tan dress that hung all the way down to her ankles. I couldn't help but feel a little bit bad for her, in this heat with that dress… it must have been hell on earth.

It had to be 104 degrees outside, but it felt like 150, and that was just inside. The restaurant was packed full of hot customers looking for a place with air conditioning, and seeing as Automatische Freude's was one of the only restaurants in town with air we were overcrowded, very busy, and I was extremely irritated. I felt like slapping that old bitch in the face, it was 104 degrees outside and she wanted hot food? Screw respecting my elders, she was asking for it. I had to collect myself or I was going to end up losing my job and killing the lady.

I wouldn't last a day in jail, I'd be raped the moment I'd walk in.

She was insane, wearing that death trap dress and ordering hot food in this heat. "I'm sorry Miss, I'll go and heat this up for you right away," I gritted out, picking up her bowl of soup and carrying it to the kitchen, grumbling the whole way.

"Larxene heat this up for me, will ya?" I asked, handing the bowl of soup over to her.

She looked at me like I was insane, and scoffed. "This is cold soup Marluxia, you don't heat it up, you eat it cold hence the name cold pea soup, Smart One."

I rolled my eyes, of course the old lady just wanted to make my job difficult. "Yeah, well, the customer wants it hot, and as you know my dear chef the customer is always right," I teased, and grinned at her.

She glared at me, "Don't mess with me Marly dear; hand it over, I'll put the cold soup in the microwave." I handed her the soup, and she disappeared into the kitchen grumbling about idiot customers with their idiot requests.

I shook my head bewildered, and Larxene who had worked here less than 2 years had gotten a promotion. Shocking isn't it? Did I even have to point the flaws the girl had? She was rude, testy, impatient, vicious, and snapped at customers every time she had a chance. She now worked in the kitchen, helping out in whatever she could, be it cutting lettuce for salad or mixing drinks. And of course it did help that she was the bosses niece, didn't make it anymore fair, but if there was one thing I had learned in life, it was that life was anything but fair.

It didn't help that for some reason I noticed things others just missed; at first sight I could tell you 3 things about a person I didn't even know. You could say I was a good judge of character. I noticed how Namine's moods always changed, how Demyx's eyes always lingered suspiciously over Namine as if trying to see something that wasn't there. How Roxas' emotionless mask slipped every so often and you could almost catch a glimpse of the kid he used to be. And how Zexion's fists always clenched in jealousy when he was around Demyx and Namine both.

But the person who stood out most of all was Namine, there was something about her; something was off about the girl. The way she acted, walked, even talked. Everything about her screamed odd.

And well her family had quite the history around town too. Twilight Town was small, everybody knew everybody and everybody's business. You knew when someone died, when they moved away, hell you knew when they ran out of eggs.

And everybody, and I do mean _everybody,_ knew about Namine's wacko family. And even though most decided to overlook it for the giddy blonde didn't make it any less true.

It started a while back, with Namine's great-grandmother Silvia Jane Howard. She had been the town's spirit ever since she came here from Hamburg, Germany with her mother and father. She had lived a happy and fulfilling life, married to a great man and with a beautiful daughter. Until she had turned 54; at age 54 Silvia had slowly begun to change, her kind and free spirit turned cold and bitter. She would snap and claw at everyone that neared her, and soon she had been come an outcast… no longer the town pride but the town freak.

Soon she was a scorned woman, bitter and angry that she had been abandoned by her family, and who she thought had been her friends. She hadn't realized what she had become, finally after 2 years Silvia had gone to seek help; she had been diagnosed with a bi-polar disorder. The lack of medical treatment had slowly driven her insane, pushing her loved ones away. Soon after finding out she had committed suicide, no longer being able to deal with the problems of the real world.

My mother had told me and Demyx the story after he had started dating Namine some years back; she had warned us to be careful and look for signs of mental instability, because it seemed to run in her family seeing as Namine's grandmother had slowly and surely lost her mind as well. Now the old lady resided in Hollow Bastian's mental hospital, her mind rotting away slowly but surely.

As for Namine's mother, the lady was a shell of a human being, empty and hollow. She had been put on medicine ever since her mother had been diagnosed; they had wanted to prevent another fatal disease in the Howard family. The medicine had seemed to backfire, making Namine's mom Elisabeth numb and emotionless. You could talk to her and she would answer, you could joke and she would nod. But it was all done with a masked expression, which quite frankly freaked me out half the time.

Namine had never shown any symptoms of craziness herself, at least not noticeably. But sometimes when she came into the restaurant and thought she was alone I would hear her talking to herself; sometimes it looked as if she was arguing.

Everyone in town may believe Namine was the only normal one born with Silvia's DNA running through her veins, but I knew better.

Namine was a ticking time bomb; it was only a matter of time before she went off. God only knew the damage she would cause when she finally burst. But it was not my problem, there was not much I could do anyway. Everyone would believe Namine if she denied it anyway, I mean really who would trust some pink-haired guy who looked more like a girl than most girls did. Not to mention, I'd been around the block a couple of times. I wasn't a slut but I got around, and since it was such a small town everyone liked to judge.

I sighed; I needed to stop thinking about Namine, she seemed to be on my mind more and more lately. I shook my head, tapping my fingers as I waited for Larxene to come out with the cold pea soup. I couldn't wait 'til my shift was over, it was only 30 more minutes and then Axel should be picking me up. The sooner the better; I was starting to sweat, and the black pants certainly weren't helping. I couldn't wait to jump into Zexion's awesome indoor pool, take a quick swim, and then work my way over to the tiki-hut bar. Every time I went to Zexion's house it was the same: we'd grab a quick bite to eat from the kitchen and then work ourselves out to the pool, where I would prepare us some drinks at the bar, rum and coke for Zexion, and a mango margarita for myself. After that I would just chill in the shallow end of the pool, chatting with Zex who would be sitting not too far away, book in hand, multitasking.

Zexy and I had been best friends for a while, I knew all there was to know about the guy. Not that there was much to tell, he was pretty straightforward. He was blunt and open, he would tell you exactly what he thought without a care whether it hurt or not. He loved to analyze people, get in their heads and see what they were thinking. He believed science was always right, and everything had a logical explanation.

He had odd quirks, like correcting people when they pronounced a word wrong, not too nicely, but you got used to it after a while. And should I even mention that he gets fidgety around animals, the only pest – as he likes to call it – that he tolerates was Star: Axel and Demy's dog… and that was only to a certain point, there was only so much animal he could handle.

But besides his peculiar habits and unusual quirks, Zexion was an easygoing guy, truthful, and very trustworthy. I was proud to call him my best friend.

"Here Mar-Mar," Larxene sung, "one hot cold pea soup." She handed me the plate through the window that connected the restaurant to the kitchen.

"Thanks darling," I exclaimed, elaborating the darling to piss Larxene off because frankly it was really fun. She got testy really fast, and to be truthful arguing with Larxene was one the things I looked forward to the most in my day. She kept things interesting in this boring place.

She rolled her eyes, "Yeah, whatever. Get to work!"

"Go strut that flat ass for your adoring customers," she joked.

I chuckled, amused. Probably one of the reasons I hadn't gotten a promotion by now was because my boss thought I brought in customers. I wanted to point out I did not! But that would be a waste of breath, 'cause even I could admit that some of the older gentlemen did like to come in just to watch me serve food. How was that interesting? I have no idea, but whatever floats your boat I guess.

A couple customers had even gone as far as demanding I serve their tables; kind of creepy, but they gave good tips. One customer had been brave enough to say I should wear makeup. I wasn't about to start wearing makeup or anything though, not please him or anybody. "I shall."

I grabbed a tray, placing the soup on top. I walked towards the old lady's table quickly, dreading every second of it. "Here you are, Miss," I said with fake kindness, putting the bowl of soup in front of her. "Can I get you anything else?"

She sneered at me, but shook her head. "No."

I nodded and quickly removed myself from the lady's presence. The last thing I needed was to get into a fight with an older customer; I did plan on getting a better job in the future. I don't think anyone would hire me if they found out I had been fired for beating up an old lady… that never looked good on job applications. I'd much rather have 'devoted and loyal employee' than 'old lady beating bastard'.

I giggled at my own joke, probably looking crazy as I walked up to Sam, the hostess. "Hey Sammy," I greeted, giving her a quick hug. I didn't like the hostess that had the shift before her, she seemed to think she was just too hot for everybody.

"Oh, hey Marly, what's up?"

I shrugged, "Not much, just had to heat up cold soup for the lady at table 7."

She looked over at table seven and cringed, "Shit, she looks straight out of one of those 1800 movies."

"Exactly my thoughts," I muttered. "The older ones are always the demanding ones, you would think it'd be the teenagers."

She laughed. "I didn't know restaurants could be so cliché 'til I started working here, but it's just like how you see them in movies and read in books."

"Except the fact that we're not all movie star sexy," I added, chuckling along with her.

She shrugged. "Eh, maybe not all of us, but I do consider myself pretty sexy," she joked.

I licked my dry lips, jokingly checking her out. She posed for me, placing a manicured hand on her hip and tangling the other in her curly long hair. The red shirt hugged her in all the right places, showing off her soft curves and voluptuous body. She was the definition of Latin beauty, and had I been straight I would have probably gone for someone like her.

"Yeah, you're alright," I teased, poking her arm.

"You're not too bad yourself, you know I'd kill for your freaking hair," she pulled at her messy curls.

"Aw, you're just trying to flatter me now."

"Very true, best get to work though, table 4 is waiting for someone to take their orders." She grinned at me," And they are cuu-uutee!"

I turned my head, gazing on what had to be 3 of the hottest guys I have ever seen in this town. I licked my lips; we didn't get visitors around here often, but when we did… they were always so exotic, and sexy. Those 3 were definitely up there on the scale.

"Oh! I know that look," she sang, "go get 'em, tiger!" she pushed me towards the table, and I looked back at her sending her a sly look.

I walked quickly, moving fast towards the table that was now holding 3 very cute guys. I smiled wide as I reached their table, gazing at the redhead that was sitting closest to me. He wore his long pin straight hair in a low ponytail, his striking green eyes gazing heatedly at me. He had amazing eyes, and I couldn't help but stare at them; they were truly captivating, but not as much as his odd half-circle red tattoo. I don't think I've ever seen a tattoo quite like that, but being friends with Axel you got used to odd tattoos.

I gave him a flirty smile, "Hello, welcome to Automatische Freude's, my name's Marluxia and I'll be your waiter tonight," I said in my usual monotone.

"Hi," the redhead breathed , biting his lip and letting his eyes devour my body shamelessly. I blushed; his Spanish accent was beyond sexy, but his stare had me feeling a bit uncomfortable. I didn't like being eye-raped in public, not by dirty old men, and not by him, no matter how cute he was. I still had dignity, I didn't like being ogled. He didn't seem to care though because he continued to stare at me, playfully licking his lips.

"Dude! Take a picture it lasts longer," my eyes darted to the scarred man that was sitting across from the redhead. He was pretty cute, brown hair with cute almond-shaped eyes, I'd probably sleep with him if he didn't have so many scars. Scars just made me shiver, couldn't stand them.

The redhead rolled his eyes, reluctantly taking his eyes off me. "Whatever Xigbar, you were staring too."

"As if, I prefer the female population if you hadn't noticed," the brunette- no, Xigbar sneered.

The redhead turned to me, smiling softly. "I'd do you even if you were a tranny."

I blushed, cursing my lack of tan; this guy just couldn't seem to stop embarrassing me. "Uh, thanks," I think.

"You're not a tranny, are you?" he asked, and I shook my head. "Good, 'cause even though I'd still do you I'd enjoy it more knowing you're a guy."

I raised an eyebrow, okay now he was just taking it too far. Who gave him the right to talk to me that way, I didn't take shit from Larxene and I definitely wasn't going to take it from him. "Good for you," I pointed out.

"Are you three ready to order, or shall I give you some more time."

"I know what I want," the redhead smirked, eyeing me.

Xigbar chuckled, "I'm ready too." He looked over to the bald man sitting next to him, "Rude, you ready, man?"

The man simply nodded, looking up at me. "I'll have a double bacon cheeseburger with fries."

I quickly jotted down his order, and asked, "What would you like to drink?"

"Just water."

"I'll have a beer; Corona if you have it." Xigbar then added, "Oh, and fries."

I nodded, writing down his order before asking the redhead what he would like.

"I'd like you, with a side of whipped cream," he proposed.

I scoffed; I'd heard a lot of pick-up lines before, but that had to be by far the worst. "I'm not on the menu," I informed him, not really wanting to hear what he had to say next.

"You should be."

"Come on Reno, just order and leave the guy alone, he's not interested," Rude warned, he seemed to be the intelligent one out of the bunch.

"Fine," he muttered, defeated, "I'll have the vegetarian pasta, and a Pepsi."

I nodded, writing down what he said. "Ok, so that will be one cheeseburger with fries, a second order of fries, and one vegetarian pasta. One Corona, one water, and a Pepsi, is that right?"

"Yeah."

"Okay, I'll be right back with your drinks."

As I walked away, I took a quick glance at the clock. Axel should be here in ten minutes, and I was off in 5.

"Fuck!" I cursed, time had gotten away from me. I had barely noticed that it was almost time for my shift to end. I spotted Ray and walked up to her, asking her if she could take table 4 for me. When she nodded, I smiled thanking her and handed her their drink orders.

I rapidly walked into the backroom grabbing my bag before sprinting to the bathroom to get changed. I entered the stall, pulling out my black swim trunks, and my plain white shirt. I changed as quickly as I could, wanting to get out of the restaurant as fast as my feet could carry me. But it seemed like a lot of days, god wasn't on my side because as I walked out I came face to face with the redhead from table 4, Reno or whatever.

I cursed my luck inwardly and sent him a weak smile. "Excuse me," I mumbled, making to move out of the way, but was stopped as he grabbed my forearm.

"Hey, hold on a sec."

I tensed at the contact. This guy was starting to get on my nerves really bad; first he uses some lame-ass pick-up lines, now he accosts me in the bathroom? My narrowed gaze landed on his face.

"Look," I said while trying to retrieve my arm, "I'm running late, I have to meet my friend. Could you please let go?" I managed to keep my voice even, though I did want to hit him.

Apparently Reno-whatever wasn't deterred, as he relaxed his grip to slide his fingers down my arm to my wrist. He smiled charmingly at me, his green eyes glittering. "I was just hoping maybe I could get your number, see if we could go out sometime."

I just stared at him, not really knowing what to say. Sure, I'd had customers paw at me and make crude remarks, but this is the first time anyone had ever followed me to the back and ask for my phone number and a date. "I don't really think so, sorry."

We stood there for a few minutes, my irritation growing as the time passed. Suddenly he pulled me closer by my trapped wrist. "Sure you wouldn't want to go to a movie or dinner? My offer of whipped cream still stands," he teased half-seriously. My head flew up fast in disbelief, and that's when he made his move.

His mouth swooped down on mine, his hand not holding my arm winding around to my back. I was too shocked to move for a moment. Here I was, just trying to leave work after a hot, tiring day, and this guy who I've never laid eyes on before now decides to freaking molest me in the employee bathroom!

I jerk back away from him, anger coursing through me. "You asshole!" I shouted, my hand raised to belt him across the face when the door opened and in walked Axel. I could feel my face heat up in embarrassment.

"There you are, Marly! I was looking all over for you, what's taking you so lo-" he stopped talking as he finally took in the scene before him, me with my hand inches from Reno's face and him still clutching my wrist. Surprise was etched on his features as he looked from me to Reno and back again.

"Whoa Marly, what are you doing with my brother? I didn't know you two even knew each other!" He smirked knowingly as he watched us, leaning against the doorframe and crossing his arms over his chest. "You know, I can leave if you guys wanna be alone," his voice was teasing as he made kissy noises at us.

I glared at him. "This is your brother?" Axel nodded, his amusement still evident. "He followed me in here after making indecent comments and hitting on me, then assaulted me!" A red brow rose up. Reno huffed.

"Reno," Axel scolded, a playful grin on his features, "didn't mom tell you not to molest people anymore?"

Reno smirked, his smile matching his brother's perfectly. They could have passed as twins. "No," he answered, letting go of the beautiful pink-haired male. His hand lingered as he pulled away, he couldn't get enough of that soft skin. "She told me not to molest minors," Reno added.

I huffed, "I can tell you're brothers!"

"You're not a minor, Right?" Reno continued.

I glared at him, my fingers twitching; my self-control was evaporating, and if I didn't get out of here soon Reno's hair wouldn't be the only red thing he had. Reno was going to make me do something I might regret because like I said before I didn't want to get fired for killing a customer, it wouldn't look good on a resume. And I was not going to ruin my future for some crazy redhead with an overgrown libido. Especially if said redhead happened to be Axel's brother! I had already risked myself for Axel one too many times... not about to happen again.

"No, you douche bag!" I shrieked, "I'm probably older than you!"

"I'm 26," Reno commented." But hey, if you're older I don't mind, that's kind of hot, means your experienced."

Axel's eyes popped out of his head, his mouth gaping open. The last thing he needed to hear was his brother talking dirty to his best friend. He'd always been more protective of Demyx, 'cause he was smaller. But still Marly was just as fragile, and he'd be dammed if he let his brother humiliate him.

"Calm your damn hormones, Reno," Axel chided, "The last thing Mar-mar wants is your nasty rotten dick."

Reno glared at his brother, and I shifted uncomfortably. "Can we just get going?"

Axel nodded, grinning at his brother. "Yeah."

"Just tell me he's not the friend you were talking about!" I demanded, I couldn't be around this guy half-naked! He'd rape me!

Axel chuckled, amused, "Nah, that's Xiggy!"

The scar-faced guy? "You mean the only with the long hair, and the, uh..." I made a gesture to my face, and Axel grinned, nodding.

"Yup, Scar Face!"

Axel went over to Reno, petting his shoulder."Well I'm'a head out, call me after you get back from Rude's."

"Yeah, I will."

"Don't forget!"

Reno rolled his eyes, "I'm the older brother here, stop trying to steal my vibe."

I walked out, not really wanting to deal with Reno. But the guy didn't miss a shot; he just had to call out "Bye, sweet face!" before I left. Why couldn't I be deaf, it would save me so much trouble.

The ride over to Zexion's house had been hilarious to say the least. It had been a while since I had seen Axel so… edgy. Two years since I'd seen him like that, to be exact. You do the math and figure out why.

I almost didn't even know the right word for it. Some may call it whipped, nervous, jumpy, but to make it all simple Axel had simply been doing everything and anything Roxas had wanted him to do. When we had gotten to the blonde's house Roxas had opened the door, a scowl on his face as he held up two different pairs of swim trunks.

His first words being, "Black or red?"

I had been beyond shocked; I knew Roxas was a very forward person, but what the hell did he care what we thought of freaking swimming trunks. I had just shaken my head, pointing to the black one as Axel pointed to the red.

"Black."

"Red."

Axel and I had looked at each other, completely clueless around the irritated blonde.

"Red," I said.

"Black," he said.

"You're both completely useless!" he gritted out, scowling and turning away with a huff, mumbling about tall idiots. The memory was almost enough to make me crack up laughing again, everything had been awkward since the moment we walked into the blonde's house. I knew he was trying to act all cool and collected but the kid was funny, even if I knew he hadn't been trying to be.

Namine had greeted us as usual with a big smile and sarcastic comment. "I guess they were lying when they said only real men wear pink," she commented, gesturing to Axel's pink shirt. "Axel's far from a man."

Axel had of course gotten into a heated argument with the blonde, trying with no avail to defend his manliness.

After Roxas had broken Namine and Axel apart, we had spent about ten minutes helping Roxas pick out overnight clothes. Axel had been obediently behind Roxas, catching all the clothing the blonde threw out the closet. He looked like a kicked puppy; I just stood by and watched the scene with amusement with Namine. Though amusement was the last thing going through her head; she looked as if she had eaten a sour grape. If I didn't know better I would have thought she was jealous.

After leaving Roxas' the blonde had demanded we stop and feed him. Axel had simply nodded, pulling into a McDonald's and buying Roxas two Mc-Chickens, Namine a salad, and he bought me fries.

And now 40 minutes later we were lying around Zexion's pool. Everyone had broken up into groups; Axel, Namine, and Roxas were by the stairs at the deep end of the pool, Xigbar, Larxene, and Demyx in the shallow end, Zexion on a pool chair, and I was of course at the bar.

I couldn't help but stare at Axel though; I had never seen him so cocky and satisfied with himself. Axel was parading around the pool like he owned the place, flexing for Namine and joking with Roxas. I couldn't help but shake my head and laugh, Axel seemed very proud that he had fattened up a bit, and put on some weight. He kept daring everyone to touch his toned stomach after Namine had commented that they were probably painted on.

As I gaze at them, I can't help but think that maybe it was time for a change of plans. Roxas looked ready to murder the idiotic redhead. I couldn't blame him, Roxas didn't have much patience, and when it came to Axel he had even less. But Axel still insisted on tackling Roxas into the water and forcing the blonde to touch his toned muscles.

I let my eyes roam over everyone in the room, watching how they all interacted. The only thought that came to mind watching them was 'humans are strange animals'.

Larxene and Xigbar had hit it off instantly, their odd sense of humor and joy of seeing others in pain making them fast friends. They were in the shallow end of the pool, messing around with Demyx; the two made a fearsome duo. As they dove underwater they took turns pulling Demyx's toes and pinching him as the distressed blonde yelped and begged for help.

His distress call answers were along the lines of…

"Sorry Dem, I'm trying to scrub the ab paint off Axel," Namine said, furiously rubbing Axel's stomach with the palm of her hand, careful not to scratch the redhead with her nails.

"Do I look like I have a death wish?" Roxas demanded, glaring down at Namine's hands.

"Kick and swim," Axel hollered as he smirked at Namine smugly.

I felt bad for the kid, really I did. But I agreed with Roxas on this one; I didn't have a death wish. Have you ever seen Larxene's nails? They're sharp, and long, and they hurt! So I did the only thing I could do for my little brother, I offered him a way to forget the traumatizing experience.

"I'll make you something strong, you won't feel a thing after you drink this baby!" He wasn't 21 yet, but he was 7 months away, close enough for me.

Demyx finally figured he would get no help from his so-called friends, so he did the only other thing he could think of: he cried out for his boyfriend, who was lying on a pool chair, book in hand, ignoring everything and everyone around him, that is until he heard his boyfriend's distressed call.

"Zexy! Help me, they won't leave me alone!" Demyx pleaded.

Zexion simply looked at him from behind his book, raising an eyebrow.

Demyx noticed his boyfriend's uninterested look and glared heatedly at him, challenging him to not listen. "Zexion! If you don't help get these sadistic creeps off me, you're not getting any sex for a MONTH!" Demyx shrieked.

Xigbar and Larxene burst out laughing, amused, both thinking: what could Zexion do?

I could understand Xigbar not knowing… but Larxene had known Zexion almost as long as I had known him. And I've known Zexion for a very long time. And she knew as well as I did, that while Zexion wasn't necessarily very strong he had his ways of getting things, and he always got what he wanted.

Zexion grumbled, annoyed that he had been interrupted from his book. "Larxene, if you don't leave him be, I'll make sure your boss puts you on bathroom duty." He paused, lowering the book so he could give Larxene a warning glare, "You'll be cleaning toilets in the men's bathroom." With that said he went back to reading his book, not waiting for a response or looking to make sure the duo had stopped tormenting his boyfriend.

Larxene's eyes were wide, and she seethed as she reluctantly removed her sharp nails from Demyx's skin. Her glare intensified as the blonde idiot let out a sigh of relief. Danm Zexion and his connections!

Xigbar looked confused; he raised an eyebrow in question at Larxene, "Do I even want to know?"

Larxene shook her head, grumbling, "No, trust me, you don't!"

He shrugged, watching as Demyx hurriedly sprinted out of the water, probably scared Larxene would change her mind. He plopped down on Zexion's chair, removing the book from his hands and forcing Zexion to make out with him, with little resistance.

Xigbar had a feeling had anyone else done that, they wouldn't get quite the same reaction.

Everyone seemed to have calmed down after Demyx's hysteria. I walked over to where Axel, Roxas, and Namine were sitting and passed each of them a mango martini. "Here you go, enjoy! You'll never have one better."

Axel grinned, accepting the drink, and putting an arm around my shoulders as I took a seat next to him. "So Marly, should I start calling you my brother-in-law?" he joked, and I felt my cheeks flame up in embarrassment.

"Shut up before I castrate you," I threatened, punching him lightly in the ribs.

"My thoughts exactly," Roxas mumbled.

* * *

**Sorry for the lack of Axel and Roxas, but this part was important trust me. Next chapter in 2 weeks, im starting school and it will be a bit difficult to write but i will make time! And im hoping 2 weeks or LESS! Motivate ME!**

**Review replies:**

**TheDevimangel :Thanks for pointing it out :D ! I emailed you, not sure if you got it!**

**Vithian : O_O oh no! They're on to you, i offer you my house as refuge! LOL! Thanks, and here's a speedy update for ya! im hoping for faster updates from now on! No more 2 month periods!**

**commandomomo: haha, you make me laugh :p! Is this update fast enough?**

**SarahXxUnlovedxX : lol, sorry for replying under the wrong name, i have a very short attention span :P! You so get where im going with the story I LOVE THAT! i like to write casual conversation once in a while because real like isnt all drama and such. People have normal conversations all the time.! And for Sora and his mom yeah VERY HARSH! but there is a reason... which of course will be revealed in time!  
**

**Namie, hmm cant say much with out revealing! YOu're right there is more than that! You're smart though i bet you'll figure it! By this chapter for sure!**

**I love your reviews they're long, and make me smile. I smiled the whole time i read it! SO thanks :D**

** Rose Riku : I'm glad i give you something to connect to! That just makes it more realistic, which is AWSOME! cause thats what im aiming for. I like how Roxas is here too, he was heartbroken and now he's scorn but now and again you get to see the old Roxas which just gets better every chapter. :D so stick around!**

**Skyward Soul : SPOILER ALERT! Next chapter there will be a little more incite on why he left. So thanks for the review and stick around to find out:D**

**Segaaa : I KNOW! breaks my heart! you dont see it much where i live, but you see those super sad commercials with the sad songs. . poor doggys! And i know i hate being forced to talk lol, makes me angry! but thank you for the review!  
**


	10. info on rb

****This is the actual article found about redbootton. The program is in direct violation of the TOS, please spread this around so maybe something can be done about this!****

**x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x**

**Sunday, August 29, 2010**

**Info**

Due to the fact that this blog was just spammed , with a few of the posts involving links to porn sites (LU little shits) This blog will have all comments moderated for the time being.

Posted by Civil initiative at 3:48 PM 9 comments

Email This BlogThis! Share to Twitter Share to Facebook Share to Google Buzz

Links to this post

**Friday, August 27, 2010**

**The RedBotton Issue and what it means for FFNet**

As some may have noticed there has recently been a mass reporting of stories on FFNet that are being made by a person known as RedBootton. The administration of the site have been made aware of a disturbing revelation about this account.

RedBootton is actually a program that was designed by Lord Kelvin and is used by various members of Literate Union. Redbootton appears to be capable of accessing Ffnet and searching stories or summaries for either key words or patterns of grammar and then creating a list of the stories that are "in violation of ToS" it then mass reports these stories until the stories are either removed by the author or mods. The members of LU don't even scan over the list before executing the report portion of the program.

The list itself is generated in a matter of minutes.

The idea is to go through each fandom systematically and clean house until Lord Kelvin can finish the touches on the site wide program. After each fandom is cleaned it will then be used to scan all new stories being posted.

This is a serious violation of the ToS on FFNet  
_4. General Use of the Website  
hereby grants you permission to access and use the Website as set forth in these Terms of Service, provided that:  
A. You agree not to distribute in any medium any part of the Website, including but not limited to User Submissions (defined below), without 's prior written authorization.  
B. You agree not to alter or modify any part of the Website.  
C. You agree not to access User Submissions (defined below) or Content through any technology or means other than the Website itself.  
E. You agree not to use or launch any automated system, including without limitation, "robots," "spiders," or "offline readers," that accesses the Website in a manner that sends more request messages to the servers in a given period of time than a human can reasonably produce in the same period by using a conventional on-line web browser. Notwithstanding the foregoing, grants the operators of public search engines permission to use spiders to copy materials from the site for the sole purpose of and solely to the extent necessary for creating publicly available searchable indices of the materials, but not caches or archives of such materials. reserves the right to revoke these exceptions either generally or in specific cases. You agree not to collect or harvest any personally identifiable information, including account names, from the Website, nor to use the communication systems provided by the Website (e.g. comments, email) for any commercial solicitation purposes. You agree not to solicit, for commercial purposes, any users of the Website with respect to their User Submissions. _

What is disturbing about this issue is that many false positives are given, and stories that are not in violation are being reported. The administration of FFNET have been made aware of this issue, but even after repeated e-mails they seem to be either indifferent or actually support the use of this program by Literate Union.

What follows is what is known about RedBootton and how this one simple program could easily impact the site and why every one should be angry that the administration as remained silent about this issue.

(RB) is a program that accesses and systematically searches for and reports stories that it flags as in violation of ToS.  
program is not perfect and has had false hits, resulting in stories with the inclusion of a header formatted in the following manner as being reported for script format even when the rest of the story is in actual story paragraph form.  
Rating:  
Pairing:  
Summery:  
Authors Note:  
no long reads or even checks over the stories that are flagged by RB before hitting the report function.  
advanced form of the program that is available to trusted members that includes a search function for typo's and grammar. This could result in a 10,000+ word stories that may have a few typo's or stories that have characters that may have dialog that is grammatically incorrect as being reported.  
is a beta version that will have the ability to search for MA stories. This search function is based upon the flagging of certain words within the text. A story that may have a rooster referred to as a cock or a cat being called a pussy could easily be flagged and reported as MA.  
6.A Beta version of the advanced program will have the capability to "clean house" site wide, including scanning any stories as they are being posted.

For those who think that is fiction I give you links to the Literate Union Forum.

.net/topic/61196/30589812/1/

In this thread is where Lord Kelvin talks about and includes links to where this program can be downloaded for general use. At one point LK even states _"Specific words/phrases are rated MA automatically because they are only present in stories with paraphilia."_

.net/topic/61196/30532995/38/#30685587

In this thread there is more talk about both RB and how to use it.

Over the past week multiple emails were sent to the admin and mods of FFNet with no answer. Although it is possible that with a site as large as FFNet that they have yet to find time to address this issue, I find myself leaning more to the belief that they just don't care. Since the site seems unwilling or unable to handle this issue there is only one solution.

That is to leave FFNet. Writers should remove their stories and find alternative sites for posting them. Readers to stop visiting. Perhaps then and only then will this issue be seen as important by the owner.


End file.
